The Dark and the Light

Dear Lord,

Creator of the Universe, my God and Heavenly Father, praise and honor be yours forever and ever.

O, Lord, let me pour our my heart to You, for only to You is my heart stripped bare. Only to You can I let go of pretense. Lord, this I know You have told me: to rejoice, to live fully, to love completely, and to walk humbly with You. That would probably look like this. I wake up in the morning, excited about going about the work You have prepared for me. I am excited about getting to work to make games and episodes and comics and books to reach different segments of people to show them Your love, Your way, and going about showing how great and awesome and exciting Your world is. I am excited because I know I could do it. And I'm doing it for You, and it's greater than me. And so I get up excited. I eat breakfast with a song in my heart. I have sun in me, and that means energy enough to go to the gym and work out with that song still within me. Then I go to work, work that I believe in. Work that is not devoid of significance and meaning for I am doing it for the Creator of the Universe. I am doing it to bring hope and love and joy into the hearts of the young. My smile is ready on my lips. My team is there, and part of the things I hold as important is also the development and enjoyment of my employees. It is a wonderful and epic studio. We start the day with devotion. We end the week with celebration. And we help people. We go about the year reaching out. And not just giving money or feeding people. But giving them also significance, and hope, and dreams. Life is meaningful. And good. And joy is the path that is chosen.

But who will love me, Lord? Why is this sadness, this loneliness, persistent? I pray for Your love, Lord, so that I do not seek desperately. I pray for Your peace and joy, Lord, that I may be beautiful. And so my heart will quiet down.

Maybe for now, I'll just work for someone. But I will put on a different persona when I start this new job. For this season, I am soft-spoken, I smile readily, I am gentle, and I care about the people I work with. This is my training in humility. This is my training in reaching out and actually making people feel significance. I also need to reach out to my relatives. I need to give time to my aunts. And also take up responsibility for my goddaughter.

Be Still

“Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord? Arise! Do not cast us off forever. Why do You hide Your face, And forget our affliction and our oppression? For our soul is bowed down to the dust; Our body clings to the ground. Arise for our help, And redeem us for Your mercies’ sake.”

Psalms 44:23-26 NKJV

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

Psalms 46:10 NKJV

Dear Lord,

Praise and honor and glory be Yours forever and ever. Thank You for friends, for family, for everything You have given me. I am blessed, very much so, Lord. And I thank You for that.

Lord, be with me as I start this new week. Lord, help me to make money. I do not want to be chained by this anymore. So, as You have commanded, I will do whatever I can to break free from these. But be with me. Be Mighty to save. Be the God who provides, who makes me not want, who loves me. My soul is in turmoil within me. Quiet my fears, O Lord. You are the God of encounters. Grant me the opportunity to get out of this pit I have dug myself in. For Your mercies' sake and for the sake of my family and Your love for me, save me, o my God. Be still, You have said. And know that You are God. Therefore, I will wait in awe of You. I will wait in hopeful anticipation of Your wonders and Your miracles.

Open my eyes, Lord, to what I'm supposed to do, to where I'm supposed to go. But please, help me, Lord. Show me what to do.

Amen.

I am Yours

You have made me, O God, wonderfully and fearfully. You have blessed me and protected me. You have given me friends and family who love me. And in all this, Your burden to me is light. Your instructions simple. And that is to rejoice. And I will rejoice, Lord, regardless of circumstance.

I pray for the opportunities You have thrown my way. If You will it, Lord, let me have them. Let me have what You will. Protect me as You always have. And I will not fret for You are with me.

Lord, I pray for wonders. I will seek Your wonders, Lord. I will turn my eyes to seek them, and I know I will find them if I look. So reveal Your glory, Lord. Put me in awe of You, for You are my God.

Instructions

"Prepare your outside work, Make it fit for yourself in the field; And afterward build your house." - Proverbs 24:27

Lord God,

I am a blessed woman. My very name declares Your promise, Your oath, Your covenant. I am favored and loved, not only by my earthly father, who would choose his blindness over my shame, his pride over my education, or my partner, who invited and paid for me to go to this Ancient Paths seminar, but by You, O Lord, Creator of the Universe, Lover of my Soul, who made me fearfully and wonderfully, who knows the number of hair on my head, who knit me in my mother's womb, who knew me before I was even conceived. You love me, O God, with an everlasting love. You have spared my family from evil. And You have opened my eyes to what we need to break. By the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, Lord, break the generational curse brought about by the unrighteousness of desecrating a marriage. And the generational curse brought about by dabbling in the arts we shouldn't. Release us from the victim spirit hounding our family's finances. Release us from whatever bondage keeps us unmarried.

Choosing life

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the learnings and for the friends. Thank You that he's putting boundaries. Thank You that I will miss him. Thank You for lunch today. Lord, I choose life, even if my heart wants to curl up and sleep. Fill me with Your Spirit, Lord. Lord Jesus, be my Lord and Savior. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit, Lord. Fill me to overflow that it will just overflow from my mouth and my hands and my feet and my smile.

Lord, I resolve to rejoice this day. I resolve to live this day. This day, I will choose to not let my emotions dictate my day. I only have lunch today. But I will be beautiful today. My worth is not in the success of my business. Is not in my ability to run a business. My worth is that I am Yours and You have called me.

Amen.

Salt of the Earth

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.

“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:13-16

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the beautiful new day! You have made it and so I will rejoice and be glad in it. May the heavens and the earth sing out Your praise. May honor and glory be Yours forever and ever. Amen.

Lord, please bless these hands as I go about my work today. I am about to pursue some paths, but let doors be opened where You want me to go, and let doors be closed where You don't want me to go. I know the values and lessons You have taught me, and so I know in my mind that the thing with the schools that I am pursuing may be the best thing to do given my situation. Strengthen my heart, Lord. Oh, Lord Jesus, come into my heart be my Lord and Savior. Saturate my heart and soul with Your Spirit. Baptize me with Your fire. Let me burn with love for You.

O Lord, let me be Yours. Be my Lord, my King. Let me do things for the good of Your Kingdom. I pray for my family, Lord. Help us with our financial situation. I know trials like these strengthen the family bond. But be always in our midst. And open the floodgates of Heaven, Lord, and bless my family abundantly that we, too, may be blessings to others.

You spoke, Lord, of being faithful in the small things. What small things can I do to be generous? What small things can I do to be salt and light to the earth? What small things can I do to show my family I love them?

I lift up to You this day. May You bless the day and all the interactions that happen within it. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Losing One's Soul

Mark 8:36 NKJV

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?

Lord,

I may have lost a bit of mine. I don't like this life I've created. The one You gave me is wonderful, but I've tainted it with my ambition, fear, and lack of love. And because my family loves me, they suffer for my sake. I'm trying to get a job still. But I still have obligations. Please help me with them, Lord. Show me the way.

God's Arm is Long Enough

Numbers 11:23 NKJV

And the Lord said to Moses, “Has the Lord ’s arm been shortened? Now you shall see whether what I say will happen to you or not.”

Lord, my heart fails. I have made a mistake and I feel bad about the solutions. Ah, Lord, that You would grant me the resource to keep my word. But to keep my word means more burden on my father. Lord, what must I do? Speak to me, Lord. Tell me You are there. Tell me You haven't left me, and You have a plan for me. You are the God who saves. You are the God of abundance. You make miracles. You love those who love You. Doubt sometimes creeps in my heart. But I want to believe. I want to have faith and know that everything will be fine because You are my heavenly father.

Wait on Him

Whoever keeps the fig tree will eat its fruit; So he who waits on his master will be honored.
Proverbs 27:18 NKJV

Lord,

I know that this condition I am in is because of my need to succeed. I didn't think things through. I didn't do my research properly. And so now, I am in this state, and my family suffers with me. Forgive me, Lord. I want to get out of this. But I don't know how. I will wait on You. I don't know what to do with things, whether I should continue to push or let go. Speak to me, Lord. I am willing to give it up if you need me to. I've also applied at this school. I lift this up to you, Lord. Give it to me if You will it. But speak to me. I will check on my people and friends, as You said. I will know how they are. Speak to me, Lord. Continue to speak to me. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Fruits and Maturity

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law."

Galatians 5:22-23

My friend posted a question on Facebook about what makes one a woman versus a girl. And another friend replied this very insightful comment about restraint and grace. Then when I turned to my daily devotional this morning, still with thoughts of the woman vs girl conversation in my head, this verse was what I found.

Follow Me

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”  “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”    Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”  He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”    The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”  Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.  Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”  Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

John 21:15-19

Jesus told Simon Peter three things he needed to do if he lived Jesus. This is how I understood them:

Feed my lambs - feed the children. As I was reading this, what impressed upon me was to feed their minds and hearts. Why would Jesus ask to feed the lambs first? Because the children are the ones who will take over, and if is important that they are fed proper things so they will grow up to build a future that is good.

Tend my sheep - be compassionate towards people. Take care of them. See to their needs.

Feed my sheep - again, this is to me, particularly. Feed the mins and hearts of the people. Teach them and give them hope.

Firm Steps

The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. (Psalm 37:23, 24 NIV)

Lord,

Make firm my steps. Number one, I will rejoice. I will live sunny and thankful. Number two, I will curate my thoughts and my actions. I will keep holy my body for it is not mine. Number three, I will get my finances in order. I will pay off all debts this year. Number four, I will hold no rage or bitterness in my heart. I will keep my distance but I will not punish.

These are my resolutions. But make firm my steps, Lord. If I need to make myself rejoice scientifically, I will do, because You have commanded me and I want to be obedient. I repent of my actions. I decide, no more. I decide to follow You and be obedient to You. I will do what I can to consciously break out, but be with me, Lord. Make firm my steps.

Prayer

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. (James 1:2-8 NIV)

Dear Lord,

I pray for wisdom. I pray for ease from my burdens. And I pray for direction. Where must I go? What do You want me to do? Deep down, I want to be involved in the molding of the youth. But is this really from You, or am I just trying to grasp at something. What have You promised me, Lord? Nothing specific on the work side. Speak to me, Lord. I pray for direction. Tell me where You want me to go. Tell me what You want me to strive for. But I know I need to be obedient to You and rejoice and be glad and be thankful. I thank You, Lord, for women friends. Thank You for the many opportunities that has come up. I pray for direction and healing for M and A.

I come to You, Lord, for wisdom and direction. I know that You have plans for me. You told me to work for You are with me, therefore, I will work and do what needs to be done. I will find app and website projects. I will teach and give talks. I will do everything I can to make money, get out of debt, and get to a point where I am financially stable. I will curb my spending. And I will be conscentious of what I purchase. And I will limit my going out. And I will be obedient to You and be thankful and rejoice. And I know along the way, You will show me where You want me to go. Along the way, You will allow me to meet who You want me to meet. I will not hold any bitterness against A. I will proceed, Lord, knowing that You are with me, knowing that You will give me wisdom to know what to do, and a clear direction to know where to go. For now, I will proceed.

I pray for strength and resolve. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

A Dull Ache

Ah, Lord,

I come before You. My heart is hurt. Not a searing loud pain, but a quiet dull ache. But it hurts, nonetheless. And I'm angry. And sad. And hurt and embarrassed. And I want to move, but I have little energy. I want to get even but for what? He doesn't even know he hurt me. And he hurt me, and I am the one who's angry. It's unfair, and I need to fight it so that it won't be unfair. So that I am strong. Last year, You said 'Be Strong.' And this year, You said, 'Work.' For You are with me. I feel it in me. Your orders are not to dwell, but to move forward already, and work, for You are with me. Forget the former things. Work, move forward. Lord, give me the strength for I am hurt. Let my heart cooperate and forgive already so that I don't have any of those dark thoughts about getting even. Lord, let me rise above it. Lord, give me strength to overlook the offense.

Tomorrow, Lord, I will pick myself up. But today, please, I need You as my Father to sympathize with me and tell me it will be alright. It will be better. I will fight for my joy. I will fight myself to be obedient to You. I know I mustn't wait until tomorrow, but do it at once. But I am hurt and I need You. Pick me up, Lord. Pour cool water over my heart that the pain will stop.

Waiting Quietly

It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:26 NIV)

Dear Lord,

My wonderful and sovereign God. You are the Creator of all. For You and by You, all things are. You have saved me always. And You are helping me again now. Forgive me for my hard-headedness. But thanks be to You, Lord, for You are good. You are faithful. You love me. My walls are ever before You. You have written my name on the palm of a Your hand.

Lord, I thank You for the opportunities yesterday, and also for the financial provision. I will be faithful to You this year, Lord. And get my finances in order. Give me strength, Lord. Renew my strength that I may soar on wings like eagles, that may run and not grow weary, that I may walk and not be faint. I will teach, Lord. For You have given me that ability. Bless the endeavors I am about to take. Be with me as I take them. I don't want to be far from You.

Bless this day, Lord, and may my heart worship You with gladness. May the meditations of my heart and the words of my mouth be pleasing to You, Lord. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Calloused

For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’ (Matthew 13:15 NIV)

Dear Lord,

My God and Savior, my Sovereign Lord, my Omnipotent God, my loving Heavenly Father, praise be to You always.

Lord, has my heart become calloused? Does Your word wash over me and not seep into me? I see but I do not feel. Lord, take away this hardened heart from me and replace in me a heart of flesh. Heal my heart, Lord, that I may see and hear and understand completely, that I would turn and You would heal me. Lord, I open myself to You. What is Your plan for me? What do You want me to do? I will stop hardening my heart. I will yield, Lord. Just speak and I will go where You wish me to go. Just say the word, Lord, that I may know what to do. What would You like me to do, Lord?

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my soul be pleasing to You, Lord. Let this day praise You. Let my words and actions be a worship to You today. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.