Shaken

"Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures forever; their horn will be lifted high in honor." (Psalm 112:6-9 NIV)

Lord,

I am so not ready. My heart is not ready for marriage. My heart is not ready for leadership. I am afraid and anxious about my finances again. I am shaken, Lord. And I know that is sin against You. Where is my faith? You have saved me before but here I am, unsure if You will save me this time. I was selfish last night, throwing a tantrum because I didn't know if You cared. Or if You did, I didn't even know what to do. All I needed was a word form You but You have remained silent. And I know I said Your will be done, but here I am, not even able to handle it. Forgive me. I want to declare that Your will be done and be joyful and accepting of what Your will is. But Your will is hard, Lord. Send me someone who could help me. Make my heart steadfast, Lord. Let me not be shaken. For the sake of Your glory, Lord, teach me to be a good testimony. I don't know how to fight this darkness on my own. I am weak. See? I wasn't even able to go on the week-long fast. Forgive me, Lord. I need to stop whining. Change my mindset. Let me see that this is just money. If the company closes, it closes. My people will be fine. But Lord, I do pray. I pray fervently for help. Save me, my God. Do not tarry. Quiet my heart.

Today, I will resolve to not complain. I will resolve to be joyful. I will do my best to find ways to make money for Komikasi, but I will trust You, my God, that You will save me. Be my Strength.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

My One Word

Dear Lord,

I was praying for one word to focus on this year. At first, I thought it was "Strength." Pastor Patrick prophesied it in church that to someone, this is relevant this year. And I thought this was it. I read my Bible and saw the word strength many times. Even a while ago when I was reading Nehemiah, there was talk of strength. But also on the other hand, if I quiet myself and think about what touched my heart strings over the Christmas season and think about what caught my interest throughout last year, it's addressing loneliness. It's "Compassion." Last night, I was talking to Pat about Kiara and Joie, and how we need to reach out to them. I told Pat how it's not my style to just tell people I'm there for them, and how if other people talk about business in the guise of personal stuff, mine would probably be personal stuff in the guise of business. Because I don't know how to do this. This is new to me, reaching out to others.

I feel like "Strength" is the word if I listen to my head and circumstance. And when You repeat it in Your Word, it means something right? "Compassion" is what my heart says. But I don't read it in my devotionals these days. Or have I not been paying attention? Or am I choosing compassion becuase I am afraid of what You'll let me go through if it's strength? Lord, I am confused. I know I'm probably thinking about this too much but then I want to get it right. Lord, enlighten me and tell me what You want me to focus on.

Lord, I pray, we're back to work, and we're back to MRM being so difficult to collect from. Please help us. We rely on You from strength to strength, Lord. Save us once again. 

This year, I will meet people and be kind to them. And I will push Komikasi to the best of the abilities You have given me, my God. But the horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with You, Lord. I will do my best. May your will be done.

I pray for my family. I pray for protection, peace and joy for us. I pray for Joie and Kiara and all the other lonely and weeping hearts out there. Be their peace. Be their refuge. And send me, Lord. Tell me how to reach out to them. I pray for the people of Komikasi. May this year be productive and exciting for all of us. This we pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Strain Towards What is Ahead

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13, 14 NIV)

Dear Lord,

Good morning! First Sunday of the year. Dear Lord, I pray for that one word, that one theme I need to focus on this year. I've been trying to make a plan in my little journal. But I don't think it can be sustained. Everything is still a bit of a jumble in my mind. Maybe I'll make a journal app. But what I wanted to do was a journal that would also serve as a Life Group material for people. First, it would talk about taking our thoughts captive. So, it's about setting what to think of. And creating a spoken declaration to ward off the darkness. Next, it's talking about what makes us happy. In my walk with You, I have learned that joy, like love, is an action word. It is not an outcome or state. It is a verb, something to actively do. So, for happiness, we first define what makes us happy. What awes us. And we actively pursue it. Then there's budgeting. It's good to know how much we have and how much we alot to things so we do not overspend or feel deprived. Here, we set what we want to achieve for the year and start saving up for it early on. And here's where we set sidelines and how we can earn extra income. Then there's the relationships. We spend so much time waiting for people to appear in our life. That we tend to forget that we have so many people in our lives we never really pay much attention to. We ask for friends. We ask for people we can hang out with. And we wait, when we have like a thousand friends on Facebook. Here, we set coffees. Every week, we have coffee with a person. Here's when we also set a mentor or be a mentor to someone. And maybe plan throwing parties. Next is exercise. We set exercise regimens and find buddies. Maybe decide to join a class. Next, we set learning. What do we learn this year? Do we learn blogging? Do we learn to cook that one mean dish? Then there's the makeover and grooming. Lord, I have so many ideas. But what to do with them? Do I make a book? I'd like to try this with my friends. Oh, yes, and there's the heart thing where we try to see the month in rose-colored glasses and be kind and freak everybody out. Ah, Lord. Teach me. Let me be useful to You and my fellow man.

Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

For the Year

Dear Lord,

I was thinking this year, I'd like to do something. Aside from trying to stabilize Komikasi and targeting small and medium businesses and getting a financier for some of my projects, I'd like to start a life group. Maybe a once-a-month thing where all my girl friends can get together and talk about, well, life. I was thinking, January will be about setting goals. February is all about finances. March is about relationships. I'd like to make the materials today. It's a way of connecting, too. What do You think, Lord? Am I ready to start my own group? Enlighten me, Lord. I will do this if You give me your blessing. Otherwise, set me to do something else. Let me help, Lord.

In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Wait for The Lord

"The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. 

One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. 

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 

Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations. 

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." 

(Psalm 27:1-14 NIV)

Dear Lord,

Good morning. Thank You for the good start of the year. Thank You for the safe trip back. Lord, I pray, give me one word to focus on for the year. One word to concentrate on so I don't get overwhelmed. One word that You want me to really think about and work on. Last year, You've taught me about rejoicing in whatever circumstance You put me in. I wasn't able to do it very well. Even during the Christmas vacation, I was ungrateful and cruel. Lord, I don't want to be like that. I want to be with my family and smile and be nice and love them because I do love them. I'm just very impatient with them. I'm very impatient with my mom. I'm so very sorry. I want my mom to be happy. How, Lord? And how do I not be so impatient with her? I want to get away from Jade all the time because I feel likes he does nothing but put me down. But on the other hand, I think she's like that because she feels unloved. She feels that I don't want to be around her. Paano ba 'to, Lord? I don't know how to fix this because I've already reacted before I could stop myself. But this year, Lord, I resolve to not complain. I resolve to be kinder. And I resolve to rejoice, for that is Your will. Because You will teach me Your ways. And I will see Your goodness in the land of the living. And I will wait for You have told me so. And You've told me to be strong and take heart. I will do my best, Lord, to take heart. Have courage. Have courage to be happy.

Lord, I lift my heart to You. I still wish that I would find the right man to marry soon. Jade says I'm forcing myself to like Martin. And I know I am. I know at the back of my mind, I think I'm too old and I need to decide from the choices I'm given. And though I like Andro, Martin seems to be a more long-term choice. The only problem is I'm really not attracted to Martin. My heart doesn't beat for him. And Andro naman doesn't seem to be interested in me that way. But Martin is a good man and I think he can make a girl happy. I don't like me indecisive. People tend to get hurt. Lord, I lift this to You. I don't know what to do.

Lord, I pray for that one word, the theme for my year. Enlighten me, Lord. Is it courage? Is it rejoicing? Enlighten me and make it very clear what You want me to focus on. Enlighten me. This I pray, my God and and my Savior. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Peace to Those on Whom His Favor Rests

“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” (Luke 2:14 NIV)

Dear Lord,

Forgive me my darkness. But thank You for Your love. Thank You for everything You have blessed me with. I am ungrateful. But I don't want to be anymore. You have given me a father who loves me, who saves me and protects me. You have given me a mother who is strong and who doesn't give up. You have given me siblings who support me in all my endeavors. You have given me Komikasi, and people who are loyal to the company. You have given me friends. You have given me people who like me. And here I am, ungrateful. And I am sorry about that. I am blessed. Very very much blessed. And I thank You. More than those, Lord, You have called me to You. You have given me Your Son to die for my darkness so I can stand here in Your Presence, so that this ungrateful whiny imperfect girl can stand in Your Most Holy Presence. Forgive me, my God. I repent. I am ashamed of my ungratefulness, and how I continue to entertain the darkness. You have given me a new day. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Thank You for coffee with this man. Thank You for letting me help with this school. Thank You for the opportunity tonight. You have blessed me. I am favored. Lord, please help me to fight off the darkness. Help me to do what You've told me to do, and rejoice. Let Your peace truly reign in my heart. Because only Your peace will quiet the raging monster inside me. Teach me to enjoy what you've given me. 

And I pray, dear God, I pray for the right man to marry. Lord, please speak to me about this. Enlighten me. I really like someone but I'm not sure if he likes me, too. And how will I know Your will about this, Lord? Should I hold on and wait? Should I entertain the other people who are showing interest? I know I have to decide, but this is a field I don't know much about. I'm having coffee this morning with someone else. Please protect us. Let me not hurt this man, for even if my heart is set on someone else, this man is good and kind. I wish to befriend him for now and know more about him. Lord, please help me.

Lord, I lift my heart to You. I don't know what to do. I need Your help here. And what else, Lord, have I not surrendered to You. Please bring my attention to that, Lord. I wish to surrender to You. Tell me agin what You want me to do, my God. For I am Yours. You told me to rejoice, Lord. And that, I will do my best to do. I will try again today, Lord. I will love the mud for that shows me that You've blessed me. Help me change this heart, Lord, that it will no longer be ungrateful, but joyful in its peace in you.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

And my God Repeats It

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6 NIV)

And my God repeats this today. That He who began a good work in me will finish what He started. Dear Lord, I am indecisive. I play when I don't even realize it. But You will fix me. You have begun Your work. You have broken me and made me softer. Lord, when it comes to matters of the Heart, I don't know what to do. I need guidance. I want to be a good woman. I want to be a woman a man can be proud of. Teach me, Lord. And I pray for the right man for me. If he's here, Lord, make me sure. If he's not, Lord, please bring him to me soon. But make me decisive. I am hurting people with my indecision. There are three men right now but I am unsure for all of them. Does that mean I have to let go of all of them? Or do I choose from one of them? I am unsure, Lord. I dislike being indecisive but I can't decide, Lord! This is the rest of my life after all. Am I in love with any of them? I have a crush with one, I kinda like one, and the third is good man. What must I do, Lord?

Lord, perfect what You started in me. Make me a good woman. A confident beautiful healthy decisive woman who will take care of a man's heart. As I stand right now, I will only hurt them. Help me, Lord.