The Business and Other Things

Dear Father,

Good morning. Thank You for bringing my parents home safe. I'd like to spend a bit more time with Mom. Maybe this Saturday then. Thank You also for new friends, a new business, and a new outlook. Lord, I still am not really properly fixed. And I know this is my own doing. You speak gently, but I don't always follow. The newest lesson, and I know I've seen this already even when I was still studying in Japan, is that I speak ill of people. And guess what, people actually believe me. And since my speech was really just because they cause a stir in my life, when they start growing on me, the ones closest to me think these new friends are not very good. Forgive me. I have to take account for all the idle words I have spoken. I am sorry. I am suffering the consequences now. But I will do my best to curate my words in future. Your warning has been heard, my God. Now, I pray that You send Your Spirit to stand guard over my mouth that my words will now build up rather than tear down. I, of all people, should know the power of words. And here I am, throwing it around lightly. I need to train myself. Maybe I'll stop speaking for three days, and pray and condition my mind. Then I will give myself phrases that can be said only. Allow myself only those encouraging phrases for two weeks. Then maybe then, I can consciously curate my words.

Lord, I lift up to You this new business we're doing. I thank You for giving me Christians to be with me as I go about doing this. It is a wonderful feeling to know that this endeavor is covered in prayer. Lord, I feel a degradation in my chest. I know it is caused by stress. And I don't want to be stressed. I pray for the success of this endeavor. Please be with us and I pray, Lord, for provision. We still don't have an investor. I need Your help badly, my God. Be with me.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Identity

My Dearest Father,

I am sorry I have not been speaking to You much recently. But I had the opportunity to pray to You with Cam yesterday. And You really have called me to You. Keep me close, my God. Don't let me stray too far away. I have been far from You lately. But I want to remain in You. Lord, what is the identity You want me to have? How do You want me to be? Show me. I want to be that. I still have dead portions in my heart, but You are the God who brings people back from the dead. Bring me back to life. And let me be the salt and light to the world that You wish us to be. I need to see how it looks like. I'm floundering. Teach me, Lord. I want to be confident and beautiful again. I want to be the flavor in people's lives because I operate in Your love. I want to be the light, the hope. When people see me, let them see You. Let me be an agent of encouragement. Let me be love. Teach me to love. I know that if I want to be loved, I also need to learn to love. Warm my heart. Spark passion back in me. I want to be love, just as You want us to be. Open my eyes, Lord. Give me a mentor. Someone to look up to. Give me a clear picture of who You want me to be. I need to know. I want to be clear and sure of my identity. 

I'm off to church, dear Father. Thank You for everything and I love You.

Blessings

Dear Lord,

God of all good things. Thank You. This bootcamp has been very good. I understood my friend a bit more. I met new people. I am able to flesh out the idea more. Lord, I lift this project up to You. May it be successful if You will it, Lord. 

Realization: Titles

I'm a CEO. But Titles are not goals. Titles are means to an end.

Acknowledging the Truth

Dear Lord,

God of the universe, my Creator and Teacher. I realized something today. I realized that there were issues from three years ago that I never really addressed. I say that I have survived that storm unscathed, but in truth, even though I learned to forgive and not hold a grudge, a part of me still died in that encounter. Three years ago, I had lost my passion. I had lost my fire and my drive. I had lost my desires. And like a stroke victim, I stayed in the comfort of my paralysis. Instead of doing what I could to help spark the passion back, I, instead, learned to operate without feeling. And I ran my business without fire or passion, only thinking of my responsibilities for my people and how we needed to keep afloat. But I didn't try to find the love for my work back. I had lost it but I didn't try to get it back.

Then a year after, my best friend fell in love with me. And my emotional indifference to my work took an even worse turn. Now, I didn't want to stay in the office because I didn't want to see my friend. I didn't handle that situation well. My heart was already far from my work, and now, I wanted to physically be away, too. Because the passion for the work was dead, it wasn't difficult to find excuses to be outside of the office. My people saw that. My friend saw that. That's why his angry words towards me held truth. But I just didn't want to admit it.

And with the hardships of collecting from clients, and my physically not being there, and my loss of love, my company fell. And it was my people who had to suffer. Truly, I had failed them. I am grateful that my friends took some of them. And that the rest had gotten good jobs. You take care of Your people, Lord, and I am grateful for that. But the fact remains that this venture has failed because I remained dead in my tomb. 

Three years ago, You promised that I would rise again. And around two years ago, just as I was beginning to recover from my heartbreak, You told me to get out of my tomb. But I didn't understand it at first. And it was too uncomfortable to move from where I was. But now I see the consequences of my disobedience. And innocent people had to suffer for it. Forgive me, Lord. Forgive me.

But all is not lost, for You gave me a promise that my children will return to me, and I wouldn't know where they all came from. Queens will nurture them and Kings will take them in. Then one day, they will return. And I hold on to that promise for You, who promised, are faithful. In the meantime, I will go beyond myself. I will stretch out and find the spark back. I will try out new things, rekindle my love for stories and comics and games. And I will rebuild my company into what I had always intended it to be: a creator of culture, a shaper of minds, a teacher of value. But I cannot do this without a heart. So, Lord, I lift this endeavor up to You. Be with me, Lord, as I go on this quest to regain my heart. Keep my people, Lord. Keep them safe and teach them things. Use them to touch lives and reach out. Let them bring glory to You. And give me wisdom to know how to go about my quest. That I may live the life You have promised Your people: full, passionate, and fruitful.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Remain in Me

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. (John 15:4 NIV)

Lord, I have been far away from You these past few days. But please, Lord, come back to me. Forgive me. Let me draw near to You again. Speak to me. I haven't heard You recently. But today, You told me to remain in You. That You created me in Your image. 

Who are You, Lord? You are savior. You are redeemer. You are different to each person because of what they need. But it doesn't change that You are my God. You are my King who I will follow. You are creator. Does that mean I can create, too? I used to create a lot in the past. I used to create for the joy of it. But I hardly do that anymore. You are the binder of broken hearts. Can I participate in that? But a part of me feels that I'm not yet credible. My only one failed. But I do feel like I passed that test even though it ended. What does it mean to be in Your image, Lord?

Direction

Dear Lord,

God of the universe, my Protector, my Provider, my Light, may Your will be done.

Lord, I have closed the studio. Most of my people have work already. Thank You for that. Thank You also for showing me kindness through the people around me who thought about me and cared enough to help me. Lord, what do You wish me to do now. I haven't decided what to do yet. I don't know what to do now. Do I stay in games? Do I just rest, then go back to it? Or do I go for a completely new industry? I know it doesn't matter much where I go as long as I live that path in love and compassion and justice, and I walk humbly with You. But where will I produce most fruit?

What are my options, Lord? I am proposing something for an agency now. It's Advergames, Lord. Also that dance competition. I don't know if I'll get them. I lift those up to You, Lord. But my thought is, I just came out of Advergaming. Should I go back in? For these, I will because I still need money to pay my people and my debts. But if I get these, these will also be long-term. And I would be very grateful, Lord, if You grant me these so that I will have income for the next two years.

Am I worrying for nothing? There's also Ideaspace. I'm very excited with the bootcamp next week. And there's also James' projects. Actually, Lord, there's a lot of possibles. Probables, in fact. But is that what I should do, Lord? Am I worrying for nothing?

Dear God, dear God. I come before You today to ask. Please give me a sense of purpose.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.