Prayer

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. (James 1:2-8 NIV)

Dear Lord,

I pray for wisdom. I pray for ease from my burdens. And I pray for direction. Where must I go? What do You want me to do? Deep down, I want to be involved in the molding of the youth. But is this really from You, or am I just trying to grasp at something. What have You promised me, Lord? Nothing specific on the work side. Speak to me, Lord. I pray for direction. Tell me where You want me to go. Tell me what You want me to strive for. But I know I need to be obedient to You and rejoice and be glad and be thankful. I thank You, Lord, for women friends. Thank You for the many opportunities that has come up. I pray for direction and healing for M and A.

I come to You, Lord, for wisdom and direction. I know that You have plans for me. You told me to work for You are with me, therefore, I will work and do what needs to be done. I will find app and website projects. I will teach and give talks. I will do everything I can to make money, get out of debt, and get to a point where I am financially stable. I will curb my spending. And I will be conscentious of what I purchase. And I will limit my going out. And I will be obedient to You and be thankful and rejoice. And I know along the way, You will show me where You want me to go. Along the way, You will allow me to meet who You want me to meet. I will not hold any bitterness against A. I will proceed, Lord, knowing that You are with me, knowing that You will give me wisdom to know what to do, and a clear direction to know where to go. For now, I will proceed.

I pray for strength and resolve. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

A Dull Ache

Ah, Lord,

I come before You. My heart is hurt. Not a searing loud pain, but a quiet dull ache. But it hurts, nonetheless. And I'm angry. And sad. And hurt and embarrassed. And I want to move, but I have little energy. I want to get even but for what? He doesn't even know he hurt me. And he hurt me, and I am the one who's angry. It's unfair, and I need to fight it so that it won't be unfair. So that I am strong. Last year, You said 'Be Strong.' And this year, You said, 'Work.' For You are with me. I feel it in me. Your orders are not to dwell, but to move forward already, and work, for You are with me. Forget the former things. Work, move forward. Lord, give me the strength for I am hurt. Let my heart cooperate and forgive already so that I don't have any of those dark thoughts about getting even. Lord, let me rise above it. Lord, give me strength to overlook the offense.

Tomorrow, Lord, I will pick myself up. But today, please, I need You as my Father to sympathize with me and tell me it will be alright. It will be better. I will fight for my joy. I will fight myself to be obedient to You. I know I mustn't wait until tomorrow, but do it at once. But I am hurt and I need You. Pick me up, Lord. Pour cool water over my heart that the pain will stop.

Waiting Quietly

It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:26 NIV)

Dear Lord,

My wonderful and sovereign God. You are the Creator of all. For You and by You, all things are. You have saved me always. And You are helping me again now. Forgive me for my hard-headedness. But thanks be to You, Lord, for You are good. You are faithful. You love me. My walls are ever before You. You have written my name on the palm of a Your hand.

Lord, I thank You for the opportunities yesterday, and also for the financial provision. I will be faithful to You this year, Lord. And get my finances in order. Give me strength, Lord. Renew my strength that I may soar on wings like eagles, that may run and not grow weary, that I may walk and not be faint. I will teach, Lord. For You have given me that ability. Bless the endeavors I am about to take. Be with me as I take them. I don't want to be far from You.

Bless this day, Lord, and may my heart worship You with gladness. May the meditations of my heart and the words of my mouth be pleasing to You, Lord. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Calloused

For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’ (Matthew 13:15 NIV)

Dear Lord,

My God and Savior, my Sovereign Lord, my Omnipotent God, my loving Heavenly Father, praise be to You always.

Lord, has my heart become calloused? Does Your word wash over me and not seep into me? I see but I do not feel. Lord, take away this hardened heart from me and replace in me a heart of flesh. Heal my heart, Lord, that I may see and hear and understand completely, that I would turn and You would heal me. Lord, I open myself to You. What is Your plan for me? What do You want me to do? I will stop hardening my heart. I will yield, Lord. Just speak and I will go where You wish me to go. Just say the word, Lord, that I may know what to do. What would You like me to do, Lord?

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my soul be pleasing to You, Lord. Let this day praise You. Let my words and actions be a worship to You today. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

An Honor

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have. (Philippians 1:27-30 NIV)

It has been granted to me... The honor of believing in Him as well a as the honor to suffer for Him. But by being courageous, it is a sign that I will be saved, and not by myself but by God. It is really a life that is abandoned to You.

Monday

Dear Lord, 

It's a new week. Thank You for family and friends and learnings and opportunities. Lord, I pray for Your healing. My chest feels heavy and weird. I feel so tired and I just woke up. Lord, please help us with this new business. We still don't have an investor. My partner's brother-in-law wants to invest, but he's asking for 40%. That's huge, Lord. Do we accept? He's a shark, Lord. And while I admire that, do we want a shark in our business? Lord, enlighten me. Give me wisdom. Nobody else is there to invest at the moment. I'll probably agree to 2.5 for 20. But that's still big. Help me, Lord. No options? Show me what to do, my God. I know I'm feeling all vague and all because I'm still trying to establish my identity. And I'm still probably tying my identity to my success and accomplishments. But who do You say that I am, Lord? Say it and I will believe. I want to be the light and saly You want me to be. And I know that isn't really dependent on my accomplishments. But I need to be financially okay. He me. Show me what to do.

The Business and Other Things

Dear Father,

Good morning. Thank You for bringing my parents home safe. I'd like to spend a bit more time with Mom. Maybe this Saturday then. Thank You also for new friends, a new business, and a new outlook. Lord, I still am not really properly fixed. And I know this is my own doing. You speak gently, but I don't always follow. The newest lesson, and I know I've seen this already even when I was still studying in Japan, is that I speak ill of people. And guess what, people actually believe me. And since my speech was really just because they cause a stir in my life, when they start growing on me, the ones closest to me think these new friends are not very good. Forgive me. I have to take account for all the idle words I have spoken. I am sorry. I am suffering the consequences now. But I will do my best to curate my words in future. Your warning has been heard, my God. Now, I pray that You send Your Spirit to stand guard over my mouth that my words will now build up rather than tear down. I, of all people, should know the power of words. And here I am, throwing it around lightly. I need to train myself. Maybe I'll stop speaking for three days, and pray and condition my mind. Then I will give myself phrases that can be said only. Allow myself only those encouraging phrases for two weeks. Then maybe then, I can consciously curate my words.

Lord, I lift up to You this new business we're doing. I thank You for giving me Christians to be with me as I go about doing this. It is a wonderful feeling to know that this endeavor is covered in prayer. Lord, I feel a degradation in my chest. I know it is caused by stress. And I don't want to be stressed. I pray for the success of this endeavor. Please be with us and I pray, Lord, for provision. We still don't have an investor. I need Your help badly, my God. Be with me.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.