Heart Check

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:22-26 NIV)

To do what is right and just
is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice. (Proverbs 21:3 NIV)

Lord, does the meditations of my heart please You? If it doesn't, and I do not realize it, bring it to my attention, Lord. I want the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be acceptable to You, Lord. I want to live life Your way, Lord. I tell myself that I do not serve two masters. That money is not what I serve. But I am irritable when I have no money, no projects. Fix my heart, Lord. Help me to find rest in You. 

An Undivided Heart

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God. (Ezekiel 11:19, 20 NIV)

We are Your people, Lord. and You are our God. You are my God. I will follow Your decrees. I want to be in Your presence always.

Lord, take my heart. Take my stone heart and give me a heart of flesh. Help me to love. Lord, I feel myself wanting to shut off my heart again. I feel things that I don't want to feel. But You said, Lord, not to worry. And so, I won't. Bless this day, Lord. May my people know I care for them.

A Woman Shall Encompass a Man

How long will you waver  and  hesitate [to return], O you backsliding daughter? For the Lord has created a new thing in the land [of Israel]: a female shall compass (woo, win, and protect) a man. (Jeremiah 31:22 AMP)

Lord, what does a your words here mean? Have You foreseen what's happening now? Of course, You have. You are the Sovereign God. Are You saying it's alright, Lord? Not that I'm going to do anything right now. Just asking.

Lord, I thank You for yesterday. Thank You for the interviews. I hope Starstruck picks up because of it. I pray for today. I have Soroptimist duties, then another meeting in the afternoon. Be with me, Lord. Forgive me for yesterday. I will set it straight today, when I get back to the office.

You Know the Plans

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Dear Lord,

Good morning! Thank You for the long weekend. We'll finally be going back to work. Please bless the week. We have a bidding today. Please be with us. Help us get the project. Thank You for the light. I read Ecclesiastes today. And yes, even the contentment in simple things come from You. Therefore, I ask of You, Lord. Give my heart joy.

Lord, I have several projects I'm going to try to finish before the end of the year. Be with me, Lord. Bless the works of my hands. May they glorify You. Bless my family, my people, and my friends. I will go out now, and I will take heart. For I am confident, Lord, that even though I don't, You know the plan, Lord. 

All glory and honor are Yours! This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Dormant Long Enough

My King,

 I thank You for the weekend. I was able to see my friends. Thank You for taking care of them. They have a renewed outlook in life. And we were able to talk and come up with a book! I hope they can finish it soon. I really think it will work.

 I also thank You for the Cymatics experiment. I'm so glad it worked, even if we could only do a very limited range of patterns. I hope to be able to make more patterns, and more defined ones, at that. Lord, my friends and sisters might not be able to appreciate the significance of this experiment. But I do. I do it, and I see Your wonders. It is lovely, Lord. It is exciting! It's like finding out a wonderful secret, like being given a glimpse of the inner workings of creation. So much fun.

Thank You also for the lessons, and for helping me realize that I've been dormant long enough. It is time to forget the whining, the pining and the worrying. It is time to pick myself up and resume doing what I do best. And that is to fulfill dreams. This ability, I cannot do without You. But with You, my God, I can do anything. I know the desires in my heart come from You. And so do the opportunities. You've laid everything out for me already. And what do I do? I whine about men.

But enough of that. You told me to open my eyes. It is time to move now. I see what You've given before me, waiting only for me to pick up the reigns and get on with it already. And so I will. 

Four months left of the year. I will maximize it. 

 My God, this is for You.

Peace

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

"I have a message for you from the King. He says, 'I gave you peace. Now, do not be troubled. And do not be afraid.' And might I add, I think He's also implying that you're being too melodramatic and you should just enjoy what He gave you."

"My, you are blunt, aren't you."

"Thank you. I know you like it that way. He did give you peace, didn't He?"

"Yes, He did. He took away the squeezing in my heart some time ago."

"I think your treacherous heart is just trying to get attention. It wants you to treat this as an ultimate goal. But if you think about it, if you do, after you get this, you'll be lost in the middle of the journey."

"Blame it on Disney. Real life ultimate goals should be so big, so epic, you won't have enough time to be lost."

"Hey, for the record, I know how you feel. You're just being a woman. And I don't think it's a bad thing despite what you think."

"It's just a bit hard to change my perception, when for the longest time, I believed my role was to be a ruler: cold, distant and correct."

"And unreachable."

"Is it too much to ask for someone who would fight for me?"

"'Fight you,' is more like it."

"That wasn't my intention. I just wanted someone strong. In heart and in principle."

"Well, you haven't met everyone yet. Other types exist, you know. They're uncommon. But they're there."

"And where will I find these types?"

"The King said not to worry."

"Oh very well. I shall stop thinking about this, and go make an impact on the world."

"You know where the goat pens are."

Deceitful Heart

The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?  

"I the Lord search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
according to what their deeds deserve." (Jeremiah 17:9, 10 NIV)

 The heart is deceitful above all things. And Lord, I have a human heart. The world tells me, "You will regret it if you don't do anything about it." But a part of me says, "You will regret it if you take matters into your own hands again."

"You know what happened last time. Yes, we have proven that if we put effort into it, we can get what we want. But keeping what we want is a different matter."

"But isn't that fear speaking? You've been burned before, and now, you don't ever want to take chances. Coward."

"But I no longer truly know what is best. How will I know if I made the right choice?"

"You don't. That's called taking risk. And you always take risk when the stakes are high. And the stakes are high in this case."

"I can no longer confidently say, this is the best choice."

"And yet in business, you take the risk anyway. You are afraid. Fear does not suit you."

"Fine. I admit. I am afraid. I admit that if I make a decision now, I have to live with that decision."

"As with most decisions. Never stopped you, never bothered you before. This bothers you because it hurt and embarrassed you. And the hurt was too near for comfort."

"It's not just that. I don't want to do anything because..."

"You want to keep your image."

"That's one. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing."

"And another thing, there is the issue of propriety."

"All is fair in--"

"Shut up. You're not helping."

"Nothing is set in stone yet. You know how the wind changes. You've seen three this year. You didn't expect those."

"No, I didn't. And I feel evil for having a part of me wish the wind blows in my direction."

"I don't think it's wrong to wish."

"I don't, either. I just don't trust myself because once I start to wish, I know I will try my best to get it. That's just how I function."

"And I like me for that."

"Can't God do this for me? Can't God fight for me in this case."

"We may cast the die, but the result is always from the Lord. Circumstances are not going to change unless He says so. But He also told you to get your own goat. Do what is possible, leave the impossible to Him."

"Spending time is possible... But I want my God's go signal."

"Let's ask, then."

"He's not answering this question."

"Maybe He is and You're not listening. Maybe He is and you don't like the answer."

"I don't hear anything."

Lord, these are the noisy thoughts in my heart. Another thought is I don't hear You because it's too noisy in here. You know the question in my heart. I said I'd sacrifice some doors for You. But speak to me clearly, Lord. Let me know what You want me to do.