First Offspring

"The first offspring of every womb belongs to me, including all the firstborn males of your livestock, whether from herd or flock."

-Exodus 34:19

The first offspring of every womb belongs to me... I am my mother's first child. I am Yours, my King. Thank You for assuring me, my Lord and my God. You truly are a God who hears the prayers of Your people, and calms our heart, and gives ease to our mind. And You take care of those who are Yours. Thank you, Lord, for granting us Mr McCann's project. We will give it our all, for we do it, not for anyone else, but for You.

I remain, my King, very truly Yours.

Constant Renewal of the Mind

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

-Romans 12:2

I am reminded of this. I had found myself angry. I had found the countess resurfacing. I must constantly be in the presence of my King. Always within earshot of His words. I do not wish to return to who I was. I want to be forever His.

Broken Hearts

I still have faith in my King. I still believe that He will do something great. But the people around me don't seem to believe. And it annoys me. There are three women I've met recently whose families are broken because the men in their lives left them. The missionary trainer was more than fifty years of age. And just two years ago, her husband, who was also a missionary trainer, left them. He said he was gay, and he's had it with the responsibilities of the missions and the family. This broke my friend's heart. It broke the children's hearts as well. Another woman, younger, was left by her husband for another woman. They have a daughter. But she believes that God will bring them back together. In the eyes of God, they were married, and no person can ever separate what my King had made one. The third was a girl who worked at a winery. She was in turmoil when I saw her. Her man, I wasn't sure if they were married, had just visited from abroad. He spent the day out with his daughter and the girl. And she showed me pictures of the three of them. They looked like such a happy family. Made me want to cry to know that he had left them. And my King had made a promise with this girl. He promised He would make them whole again. But how? She saw a ring on the man's finger. She cried when she got home then. And my heart really went out to her.

I told my manager of this. But to him, these women had to move on. It was over. The men wanted out. And this irked me to no end. He said men were really like this. They did what they did because it felt good. That's it?! That's supposed to excuse them? And it made no bearing to him that the King made a promise to these women?! Ooohh! I was so annoyed. It made me realize how truly different a Christ-follower thought as compared to other people.

And to add to my frustration, I didn't even have anything to prove to him that my King kept promises. What can I possibly show? We were all broken women. Lord, please, show us Your glory. My King, teach me. How can I show them that You are a God who keeps promises? Grant us miracles, Lord.

Putting things in Perspective

One thing I've been guilty of is seeing my problems as bigger than my King. Being in the situation, it's so difficult to remember that it was my God, my Lord who had created everything. Everything. Not just the Earth and all its contents. But also the measurements and the mathematics of it. And if a problem goes my way, it's so hard to remember that, since God created all these elements that make up the problem, then the total sum of those elements are less than the power of Him who created them. It's so logical, and yet my treacherous heart finds it difficult to believe sometimes.

Lord, my King, I still have a problem with payroll. It's 5pm, and still no payment in sight. But I know that it is nothing compared to what You can do. I've seen Your Hand before. You are a great God. If You will it, my Lord, please send me a miracle. Payroll problem, my God is greater than you. My King is rich and generous, and loves a good story. And He may not come early, but He will never be late. He will come on time, to defeat you, and save me and my people. You are a dragon that seeks to devour my joy, to make me anxious and cause me to sin, but my God has spoken. I will not be anxious about anything, for my King will give me peace of mind, and defeat you.

My King, I thank You for always being there for me, for this little raven, this little scavenger who hasn't quite learned all the ropes of running a countship yet. But I thank You for trusting in me to be able to do this. I thank You for being patient with me. I will learn from You, my King, and the dragon of financial imbalance will no longer return to plague me and the people You have entrusted to me.

You, my King, are also bigger than the dragon that devours my heart. I am small. And down here, I cannot see everything that is happening. Out here, I cannot see what is within the hearts of others. But You, my God, are bigger than the dragon that seeks only to make me weep. You, my Lord, are more powerful than the beast that seeks only to break my heart. My heart breaks only because I couldn't trust You. The solution is really quite simple. It is really just to trust You with all my heart. My King, know my desire. I desire to have absolute faith in You. Complete trust in You. There are things that the countess doesn't know. And it bothers her to no end when she doesn't know the answers to those questions. But she is not all-knowing. I am not God.

Hear me, my King. Still my raging heart. I bow down to You. Here is my heart. Take it. I will accept the things I don't know. I will not jump to conclusions. The darkness was attempting to swallow me again. And when the countess surfaces, her tongue is like a whip, hurting the people closest to her. Forgive us, my Lord. This is not what we want to be. My King, please, I haven't wanted anything for a while. If I have found favor in Your eyes, despite my shortcomings and errors, will you give me the fruit of the Spirit? Will You give me love, joy, peace, and complete and absolute faith in You? That is what I ask for, my King.

How I want to please You, my King. I want to be completely and absolutely Yours.

Needs of the Countship

Ah, my King. Know my heart. I want the best for the countship You have entrusted to me. The countess still surfaces every now and then, despite her turning the land over to me. She may have hurt the steward a bit, but not intentionally. Forgive us, Lord.

Dear King, we are in need. Next week, I will need to pay the people. They are good loyal people. They deserve to be paid on time. They deserve a Christmas Ball. They deserve to have ready food in the castle should they go hungry. Lord, I wish to provide them properly. You have entrusted them to me, and I want to take care of them. But Lord, the monies haven't arrived yet. What must I do, my King? Should I just wait? But if we are not paid tomorrow, the cheques will not clear in time for Tuesday. And there is a debt I need to pay on Tuesday, too. Lord, my God, I need Your help. I do not wish to burden my father with my financial problems. I can pay the people and the debt, but only if we are paid tomorrow. Lord, help me, please. Give me wisdom, my King, to know what I must do. Speak to me, my beloved King. Do not keep silent. Do not leave me.

My King, aside from the salaries and the debt, I wish also to give them a Christmas Party. We need to book now, before the food places run out of schedule. And I wish I could give them all gifts, and added benefits. I wish also to upgrade the license of one of our machines. The license is on sale right now, and will greatly benefit our productivity. It would also be nice to hire one more person. But to do that, I need to buy one more machine and license for it. And it costs, Lord. I cannot afford it at the moment. But we are bidding for another project tomorrow. Please grant us the project, my King. We really need the project. And the relation with Mr McCann's firm will really benefit the income and the future of the countship.

As for the Minstrels that are in my party for the Quest You have set before me, help us, my King. We need an artist. A colorist, who would work with us without asking for pay. Our group is weak at coloring. But we are good at music and story and drawing.

My King, You are a God who gives exceeding abundantly above anything I can ever ask or think. I lay before You my needs and desires. Throw not crumbs upon Your servant, but allow me to partake of Your banquet.

I thank You for hearing the cries of Your servant, Lord.

Be glorified, my King.

Faith and Hope

I asked the King if it was alright to hope. I wasn't sure if the email was really from Him, or just me connecting things in my head. And it actually pained me, because I was trying not to hope too much, but at the same time, I couldn't help but hope... and dream... "Give me a sign, Lord" I cried out. "Give me an assurance that You haven't forgotten me."

And here's what He said to me:

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

Have faith, little raven. Have faith.

Dream List

Here are the things I would like to do in my life: (some have come true already)

• To study Computer Science at De La Salle University - done! 1998-2002
• To study Computer Graphics in Japan - done! 2003-2006
• To teach at the College of Saint Benilde - done! 2009-2011
• To teach at De La Salle University - done! 2008-2011
• To put up my own Graphics Company - Komikasi Enterprise - done! 2007
• Later evolved to a Game Company - very good turn of events. 2010
• To attend a SIGGRAPH Convention
• To write a book that would become a best-seller
• To make a romance comic book
• To put up a Game Development and Animation School in Laguna
• To create a division in Komikasi that makes 3D Animated Movies
• To go live in different countries for three months at a time, for two years, while writing, admiring the works of the King, and doing Kingdom work.