The Third Suitor

"May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance." (2 Thessalonians 3:5 NIV)

I asked what You wanted me to do about my struggling company.

And You said, "Rejoice."

Now, I asked who You wanted me to choose among my suitors.

And You said, "Me."

Lord,

Thank You for continuing to renew my mind each day. I will hold on to Your promise that You will perfect that which concerns me. That You will finish what You've started in me.

The fear is on the edges of my consciousness, Lord. Especially as another payroll period draws near. But You, o Lord, are my Shield and my Strength. You are my Savior and my Provider. Please be with me and provide for this company. And help me to rejoice in Your blessings. Help me to not abhor the trials for they themselves are also blessings from You.

As for men, forgive me. There weren't two people vying for my heart. There are three. And I had put You aside, my God, who are good. Forgive me. How do I choose You, Lord? What do I do to strengthen my relationship with You? How do I get closer to You, Lord?

Bless this day. I lift this day to You. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, Lord. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Men

Lord,

My God and my Redeemer, my Father and my Protector. May Your Kingdom come. May Your will be done.

Lord, please speak to me. Be not silent in this matter for I need Your guidance and wisdom. What must I do with Martin, Lord? May I continue to have coffee and breakfast with him. Or am I being unfair to him if I do that? Teach me to be decisive, Lord. I don't want to settle, Lord. I just need a word from You, my God. That You remember me in this matter. That You wouldn't show me things I like and then deny me of them. I loved the feeling of being attracted to someone who loved me. I have greatly admired a friend's expressiveness. I have greatly admired a man's decisiveness and power. Are these things I shouldn't admire. Are these things I shouldn't look for in a man? Lord, guide me. I don't know what should or shouldn't be anymore. I need You, my God. Be not far from me. Speak to me. Even just an assurance that You have not forgotten. Give me a promise to hold on to. Lord, please, I need You.

I pray for my family's joy and protection, and for the salvation of Martin and Andro. I pray for compassion as I let go of one of my guys. Give me strength, my God. And align my heart to Your will.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

World I Had Left

"The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” " (Genesis 2:23 NIV)

Dear Lord,

I have sinned against You. I thought it would be good to write to make money so we could travel this year. But the writing meant I had to go back into the world I had left. I thought it was the only way I could make money quickly to be able to travel this year. Forgive my lack of trust in You. Lord, I pray, I really want to go to the RT Book Convention this year. If You would allow me, Lord, fund me. Provide for me and my sisters so that we can go.

Lord, I spoke to Brian the other day. And You made me realize what I had forgotten. Lord, what do You want me to be known for? Speak to me, Lord, and help me be the best person I can be.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Morning Prayer

Dear God,

You are my Lord, my Savior, and my Hiding Place. Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go for to You I lift up my soul.

I pray for the joy and safety of my family, for the salvation of Andro and Martin, and for my people to be okay. I also pray that You would keep and protect the one You have chosen for me. Fix him as You have been fixing me. And when we're ready, Lord, open my eyes to see him.

I thank You for helping me with payroll yesterday. Thank You I was able to borrow. Lord, please infuse me with resources. I still have to pay my Tita. Bless the meetings we have today. May they be successful and productive.

This day, Lord, is the day You have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, Lord. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Humbly I Approach

Good morning, dear Lord,

May the thoughts in my mind and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, my Lord and my God. Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, and sustain me in my resolve to rejoice and be glad in this day You have made.

Thank You for the meetings. Thank You for letting me see my friends. Lord, I pray for the protection of my family and friends, and the salvation of Andro and Martin. I pray for my people, and I pray for my heart. Remove this heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh.

Lord, forgive me. I was arrogant. But here I come before You. I humbly offer You my heart, not out of frustration but because You are my God, and I offer my heart as a humble sacrifice. Teach me to be what You want me to be. I will stay here if You want me to. But I'm not very perceptive when it comes to matters of the heart, it seems, so please coach me so that I learn the lessons. Becuase I can't learn it on my own. I need guidance, my God. And I need strength. I offer also this little company You have given me. I have become a slave to it. But I don't want to be, Lord. Komikasi has become my idol. Break my idolizing my company, Lord. Let it not have control over me, for my only Master is You.

I lift this day to You, my God. May Your kingdom come and may Your will be done. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Pruning

Dear God,

Good morning! I lift this day to You. May the thoughts on my mind and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You. This day is the day You have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Lord, I pray for the protection and joy of my family, and the salvation of Martin and Andro and all my people at Komikasi. I pray for provision for Komikasi. And I pray for new projects and clients. Thank You, Lord, for the new bidding from Saatchi, and for the meetings today. Lord, please sustain us. Sustain us as we plant seeds. Sustain us until harvest because our storehouse has run dry. Give me strength today as I go about planting seeds. And fill my heart with joy in the knowledge and remembrance that You are with me.

Lord, I listened to Pastor Steven Furtick yesterday. He talked about seasons and not coveting someone else's season. And that every season has it's challenges and rewards. I pray for a change of lens, Lord. Make me see the goodness of the season. I know You're always there. And I don't need a God moment to assure me that You are in control. But I do pray for a God moment, just to strengthen me, Lord. There will be pruning. And I mustn't despise the challenges for they are indications of blessings. I have financial problems with my company right now becuase I have a company. Pastor Joey also spoke about fighting the good fight, Lord. And we need to continue fighting the good fight of faith. And one of them said it matters what you say about your circumstance. I want to be excited, Lord. I want to enjoy my current season despite the lack of financial resources. But I need Your help, my God. I don't want to ask Daddy for money anymore. Give me joy. And please save this company, Lord, if You will it.

I pray for the man You choose for me. If it's Martin, Lord, let me know for sure. Give me wisdom, Lord. And Lord, if it's him, please cause my heart to fall in love. But if it's not him, Lord, then protect us. I don't want to hurt him, Lord.

I lift this day to You, my God! Thank You for the season and the challenges. Thank You for the day. May Your will be done in everything. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Salvation

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38 NIV)

"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To God’s holy people in Colossae, the faithful brothers and sisters in Christ: Grace and peace to you from God our Father. We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people— the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace." (Colossians 1:1-6 NIV)

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4 NIV)

Dear Lord,

I want to be righteous in Your sight. My fear and anxiety is sin against You, for that shows my lack of faith and trust in You. I offer You my heart and my life once more, Lord. And I pray that You spark joy in me so that I may rejoice in every and any circumstance, and see the trials as the gifts that they are.

Lord, I pray for the salvation of Andro and Martin and all the men who come to me. Andro is a good man with a strong sense of justice. His family needs You, Lord. May his sister's trials bring her to You, Lord. And I don't know what could possibly prompt Andro to seek You, but You are a God of miracles and great things. Please save the man. Whether You will him for me or not, please save this man who I look up to. Save also Martin. I know Tita Vilmy would like him to change religion. But I think religion doesn't matter. What matters is he know You, he seeks You, and he will grow in You. He is a good man, Lord. Save him and call him to You. Let his relationship with You be strong.

I pray for the man You choose for me. Lord, I pray, I submit to Your will. I desire someone for the traits he possess. But Lord, if he isn't the one for me, then Your will be done. Give me the one You choose. I need someone I am attracted to intellectually and romantically. I need someone financially capable. I need someone I can admire. But most of all, Lord, I need someone with Your blessing. Because I wish for a good family, Lord. A happy, loving and caring family intoxicated with love and solid in our foundation and belief in You. I lift to You my choice of a life partner. You know who is best. Protect me and bless me in this aspect of life, Lord. I lift my heart to You. Let me know, Lord, let me know clearly who You want for me. And whoever You choose, I will love and build up and encourage.

I haven't been a very good testimony. I mean, even in front of my GDAP peers! I'm not the prosperous, kind, gentle and principled Christian I'd like to be. Lord, I want to be a good testimony. I need to change my mindset and stop complaining and making excuses. Give me strength. Give me a buddy to help me change. 

I also pray, Lord, for guidance. Is it time to close my company? Are the trials an itch on the nose to force me to stretch? Or have I been swallowed? Have I been enslaved by payroll? I am, Lord. That much I know, I am a slave to payroll and just keeping my company afloat. I pray for enlightenment. I want to change the world, Lord, and make it a better place. I don't want to just keep making apps for brands. I want to have a point in what I do. And that's the problem with Komikasi right now. Lord, guide me. Tell me what to do. Is it right that I'm breaking them off? Is it alright if I let us join Ideaspace?

Lord, break me free. I do not want to be a slave to money. Set me free, Lord. But give me wisdom. May I not dissolve Komikasi prematurely. Talk to me, Lord. I know You sent me Tita Vilmy for a reason. To remind me of You. To remind me to pray for the salvation of people, especially those dear to me. And to pray for Your will in my choice of a husband. And also to remind me that it's not my choice, it's Yours because my heart is no longer mine but Yours. Give it to who You choose, Lord. I have lifted my heart to You. Same goes for my company. I have offered it to You three years ago. And three years ago, You told me to stay. What about now, Lord? Should I try to make Komikasi work? I know it in my heart, Lord, that I need to change Komikasi somehow. Because it is not in Your will that I be a slave to money. And I don't want to be. If I reach inside me to see what I need to do, I actually don't know what to do. If I let go of even half of my people, my overhead will decrease by about 25%. Half of my overhead goes to payroll. A quarter goes to rent and other bills. And the last quarter goes to loans.

Okay, letting go of my people is not going to significantly decrease my need. Shutting down the office will take away 75%. The other quarter needs to be paid off whether Komikasi exists or not. But I'm tied with rent until June, Internet for the next two years but I think we can pre-terminate, and we're maintaining a system until I think August. I think I feel helpless because I've deviated too much. We need to go back to making games, even outsource. Then in that case, we need to reach out to the companies abroad.

Be with me, my God. Give me wisdom and strength and love. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.