Forgive me. I'm annoyed at my sister again and being impatient with her. I'm keeping quiet now to not say anything hurtful. I've also been very proud this weekend, belittling the courage and effort of people who are interested in me. Forgive me. It is so hard. I want to change, Lord. I want to be like my friend, sweet and gentle. I want to have enough strength to be kind, to let go of the annoyance, to silence the rage. But I'm the kind who wants to get out of an unpleasant situation as quickly as possible and so I am impatient towards the people who persist to keep me there.
I want to be kind, Lord. I don't want to speak bad about people. I don't want to belittle people's fears or courage just because I'm impatient with them. Lord, You've given me all these opportunities to show kindness, but unless You change my heart, Lord, I'm not going to get any kinder. Help me, Lord. Change my heart so that when the opportunity arises again, I can glorify You.
I want to be like Roan, Lord. Kind, gentle. A woman who speaks kind words, words that build up and not repel. Words that put people at ease. I want to be like Andro, Lord. In control. Confident. Not easily stopped by obstacles. He doesn't even consider them obstacles. Lord, I'd like to be humble enough not to hurt the people who text me. I'd like to be confident enough not to flare up at my employees when they don't reach my expectations. I'd like to be sure enough of me and You not to feel offended when someone offends me. How do I do that, Lord?
I think it all boils down to how I see You. Lord, help me hang on to these truths. Help me fully believe these truths:
- That You know me. You know me by name. You know me inside out. You know me even when I was still being knit in my Mother's womb.
- That You love me, that You delight over me. That my very existence makes You happy enough to dance.
- That You have a purpose for me, particularly for me. That my existence has a significance in Your plan. That I'm part of something bigger than just me, something more meaningful than just making money.
- That I can trust You. You have plans for me. Plans to help me and give me hope and a future. That You would provide for me, and protect me and those I love. That You have my best interests in mind, and that even though the circumstances look bleak, I can rest easy because I trust you.
- That, whatever situation I my find myself in, I'm where You want me to be. My Jerusalems are not random. You've chosen them especially for me.
Lord, help me brand these in my heart. And be my strength to Be Still.
