An Honor

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have. (Philippians 1:27-30 NIV)

It has been granted to me... The honor of believing in Him as well a as the honor to suffer for Him. But by being courageous, it is a sign that I will be saved, and not by myself but by God. It is really a life that is abandoned to You.

Monday

Dear Lord, 

It's a new week. Thank You for family and friends and learnings and opportunities. Lord, I pray for Your healing. My chest feels heavy and weird. I feel so tired and I just woke up. Lord, please help us with this new business. We still don't have an investor. My partner's brother-in-law wants to invest, but he's asking for 40%. That's huge, Lord. Do we accept? He's a shark, Lord. And while I admire that, do we want a shark in our business? Lord, enlighten me. Give me wisdom. Nobody else is there to invest at the moment. I'll probably agree to 2.5 for 20. But that's still big. Help me, Lord. No options? Show me what to do, my God. I know I'm feeling all vague and all because I'm still trying to establish my identity. And I'm still probably tying my identity to my success and accomplishments. But who do You say that I am, Lord? Say it and I will believe. I want to be the light and saly You want me to be. And I know that isn't really dependent on my accomplishments. But I need to be financially okay. He me. Show me what to do.

The Business and Other Things

Dear Father,

Good morning. Thank You for bringing my parents home safe. I'd like to spend a bit more time with Mom. Maybe this Saturday then. Thank You also for new friends, a new business, and a new outlook. Lord, I still am not really properly fixed. And I know this is my own doing. You speak gently, but I don't always follow. The newest lesson, and I know I've seen this already even when I was still studying in Japan, is that I speak ill of people. And guess what, people actually believe me. And since my speech was really just because they cause a stir in my life, when they start growing on me, the ones closest to me think these new friends are not very good. Forgive me. I have to take account for all the idle words I have spoken. I am sorry. I am suffering the consequences now. But I will do my best to curate my words in future. Your warning has been heard, my God. Now, I pray that You send Your Spirit to stand guard over my mouth that my words will now build up rather than tear down. I, of all people, should know the power of words. And here I am, throwing it around lightly. I need to train myself. Maybe I'll stop speaking for three days, and pray and condition my mind. Then I will give myself phrases that can be said only. Allow myself only those encouraging phrases for two weeks. Then maybe then, I can consciously curate my words.

Lord, I lift up to You this new business we're doing. I thank You for giving me Christians to be with me as I go about doing this. It is a wonderful feeling to know that this endeavor is covered in prayer. Lord, I feel a degradation in my chest. I know it is caused by stress. And I don't want to be stressed. I pray for the success of this endeavor. Please be with us and I pray, Lord, for provision. We still don't have an investor. I need Your help badly, my God. Be with me.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.