Clothe Yourselves With These

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12 NIV)

Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. These are the five things I'd like to learn for myself, as a sort of gift to myself. It's not very easy since I spent most of my younger years being more concerned with the project over the people. I was proud and arrogant. And I was very impatient. I'm not gentle at all. I'm very direct, and I'm more concerned about getting the message to the listener quickly rather than getting it to them in a way that is gentle. I'm very impatient and I dislike beating around the bush. I find it a waste of time.

But I am attracted to kindness. And I'd like to learn to be kind.

Faithful

Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 

Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. "The man who hates and divorces his wife," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "does violence to the one he should protect," says the Lord Almighty. 

So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. (Malachi 2:13-16 NIV)

Lord, I pray for the people of my generation and the generation of my children and grandchildren. May there be a rise of strong faithful men. Our media is very questionable these days. Movies like "The Mistress" are hits. And actually, women being unfaithful may also be on the rise. Lord I pray for all of us in our generation, and especially the generation after us. Teach us to be faithful.

Equip Me

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.  

Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. (Hebrews 13:1, 2, 20, 21 NIV)

Dear Lord, I pray, please equip me with every good thing to do Your will. Please work in me what is pleasing to You. Teach me to love. Teach me to be kind.

Lord, I may be too direct, and I don't notice it most of the time. It probably drives people away. Lord, how do I do this? It's not like I purposely do it to make people uncomfortable. I just go straight to the point. And like I said, I don't even notice it most of the time. I don't want to drive people away, Lord.

I had a dream last night. He came back. I shouldn't be dreaming of this anymore. I don't want the feeling of elation when he puts his arm around me because it's always followed by the sinking feeling that it's not going to last. That when the problems come, he will leave.

Lord, I don't want to think like this. I want to believe that there is good in man. That there is a man out there for me who is loyal, who would fight for me, whose hugs and kisses and words are true. Seeing that, experiencing that, having a man like that, would be one of the great and rare wonders of this world. And I pray for that, Lord. I pray fervently and deeply for that.

Idols

"Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God's love for them. (Jonah 2:8 NIV)

Lord, are there any idols in my life I need to get rid of? Lord, set my heart right.

Act Justly, Love Mercy

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8 NIV)

Guard my heart, O Lord, and teach me to act justly and to love mercy. Change my mind, O God, that what I think and imagine will be pleasing to You. Forgive me for thinking myself better than others. Forgive me for speaking ill of people. Mold my heart, Lord, that I will be pleasing to You. And teach me, Lord, to lead my people that we will be Your people and You will be our God. And we will create to bring You glory and honor and praise.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Ramblings at 3 in the Morning

Lord. you said that my delighting in a person is a gift from You. It is something that should not be abhorred or shut off. And I like it, Lord. I thank You for the gift. It's just that sometimes I can't help but wish for more, and since that cannot be, my tendency is to shut it off. Forgive me. I guess I just didn't know how to deal with these things. It's not exactly something your parents teach. But You have been kind to me. And have taken away the squeezing in my heart. I thank You, Lord.

I saw him recently. And, Lord! The room suddenly lit up! And the next day, I was teetering between happiness and despair. But happiness was winning. :)

I've only told one friend of him. I seem to be embarrassed to admit that I admire someone. My friend says it's normal. And that I'm weird for being embarrassed. My pastor says (though not directly to me) not to give up. And I am torn between wanting to see him and wanting to shut him off completely.

Ah, Lord. I need to get out more and see other people. It does not do to pine after someone like this. There are days when I question if I am indeed beautiful, as some people say I am. Or if they are just saying that because they're friends of mine, or because they're Christian. Or if it really matters if I'm beautiful or not. Most likely, it doesn't. Well, I suppose it does, but not that much in this case. Ah, but I thank You for my looks anyway. If I am indeed beautiful, at the very least, even if it doesn't attract anyone, if seeing a pleasant face makes someone's day, then that's something to be grateful about. And it's good for business.

Listen to me, Lord. I sound like a high schooler. Why? How do you deal with these things anyway? I've always thought, and so that's what I've always done, that if you can't have someone you like, you shut him off and move on. You still have a world to change and so you don't have time to be lovesick. But I've been told recently that doing that locks away part of your heart. And that if I continue doing that, I will lose my heart completely. And it almost happened recently, remember? I felt like my heart had holes because it couldn't retain any good feeling. Turns out, it was missing pieces. And I had to go back into my past to retrieve the missing pieces... Only to have my heart pulled in a crush again.

But Lord, this is infinitely better than the state I was in. So, I thank You for pulling me out of that pit. I just want to deal with this correctly this time. I like someone. I cannot have him given current circumstances. I have a business to run, so I can't let heart issues get to me. I must not lose hope. I must not worry. I must not shut him off. But I will not pine for him.

There.

And now, here is my heart, Lord. You choose the man. I'll just concentrate on making great games.

Lord, I can't sleep. It's 3 in the morning. But I'm very happy for today, Lord. The team we love has asked for us back.

I Will Not Be Mastered by Anything

"I have the right to do anything," you say—but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"—but I will not be mastered by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV)

Someone asked Ganns Dean, a Christian Misic Blogger, if it was alright to listen to K-Pop. He used the passage above in his answer. And I've only recently started to understand this. For most religious people, rules govern their actions. But it shouldn't be that way. You put rules in the beginning. But as the human race grows older and understands better, it has become clear that our actions should really be governed by the heart. And the rules now become relative to a person.

I'm not saying, follow your heart. No, the heart is deceitful. But listen to it and judge. A friend of mine said that whenever she looks at the billboards on Edsa, she starts to have sexual fantasies when she sees near-naked men on the ads. So whenever she passes Edsa, she does her best not to look at the billboards. I have no such compulsion when I look at the Bench billboards. But for me, some Animes consume me to the point of obsession. In my case, that's the thing I have to be careful about.

I think this same rule applies to men and relationships, too. I can get married. I can want a man. But he cannot be my world.

Lord, I lift to You my heart. I want a man, Lord. No, I want the man. The right man who would love me and who I would love. And I entrust that concern to You. But guard my heart, Lord, that I will not be overly concerned with finding him. In fact, won't You send him to me, Lord, so that I don't have to look for him? And bless this heart and these hands as I go about Your business, Lord. After all, You've given me this company to run. And You've given me the desire in my heart to change the world. May I do good work, Lord, that Your Name will be glorified.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

In Whatever Situation

Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. (1 Corinthians 7:17 NIV)

As a single woman, as the owner of a relatively young business, as a creator, You've seen my struggles, Lord. And you know how many times I've tried to escape, thinking a change in my situation would solve the problem. But You've shown me it's going to be the same in any situation I'm in. That the problem is not the situation, but how I deal with it. I have to learn to be happy, to be content in whatever situation You put me in. Because if I step back and just look at it, You've put me in pretty wonderful situations.

I am single, at an age when I have some disposable income, some time to spare, and wonderful friends and siblings to hangout with. At an age when airfare is affordable. In a place where domestic travel is good. As a person who writes and enjoys seeing nature, experiencing culture, and eating. And with some amount of influence that my posting things about my travels and experiences can spur others to take trips, too; inspire or make them imagine; or at the very least, smile when they see photos of beautiful places. I am mobile enough to start projects that can change the world. I am free enough to move around, see things, cause things, enjoy things without the responsibility of making sure my children and husband are well-fed. This is the season I am in. What am I doing?

I run a business. I make games. How cool is that?! Don't worry about the payroll. God promised He would prosper the business. Many times, He repeats that promise. And hasn't He proven that again and again? So why fret every time clients pay late? He never left me before. What makes me think He'd leave me now? What, He suddenly got tired of saving me? God doesn't get tired. I run it with the best of my abilities. God will do the rest. After all, He didn't say I would make it prosper. He said He would prosper it. I am in an industry that speaks the language of the current generation. I am in an industry that is open to the whole world. I get to travel and meet cool people from companies I only used to dream of meeting. What am I doing?

I can write. I can do comics. I can do games. I am updated when it comes to the stories and technologies in animation. I have experience in advergaming. I know in my heart and head that if I want to change the world, it's actually not textbooks that would do it. It is fiction. I have stories. I have dreams. I may be a little rusty, but if I get back into it, I know I can produce good work. I am a jack. I learn quickly. And if there are new trends in the creative industry, I can learn them. I am an activator. I get things started. I may not be very good at finishing things, but I can either employ the help of friends my God has so generously given me, or produce faster. Either way, the secret to finishing is to get my energy from Him and not me. It can be done. What am I doing?

Lord, I have to reflect on these things. Before I can change the world, Lord, change my mind. Change the way I see. Change the way my heart meditates. Light a candle in my heart to see what my mind can already see. Teach me to care. Teach me to love.

And Lord, Christmas is coming. I volunteer this heart and these hands. What is Your plan, Lord? I want in.

I Will Show Wonders

"And afterward,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your old men will dream dreams,
your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens
and on the earth,
blood and fire and billows of smoke. (Joel 2:28-30 NIV)

Lord, my God, pour out Your Spirit in me. Show me wonders. I want to be awed by You. I miss the feeling of being overwhelmed with the beauty or the greatness of something. It is in those moments that I realize how small I am and how big and wonderful and unfathomably all-knowing my God is. You've created so many great things. There are phenomena on this earth that are so excitingly mind-boggling! Lord, I long to feel awed again. I think I'm becoming jaded. I think I take things for granted. I have lost the sense of wonder. And I really want it back. I want to look at Your creation and be awed again. I want to look at the people You've created and be overwhelmed with joy and wonder that the overflow in my heart would prompt me to tell them I love them.

Acknowledgment of God

"What can I do with you, Ephraim?
What can I do with you, Judah?
Your love is like the morning mist,
like the early dew that disappears. Therefore I cut you in pieces with my prophets,
I killed you with the words of my mouth—
then my judgments go forth like the sun. For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,
and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings. (Hosea 6:4-6 NIV)

That is what God wants. To be acknowledged as God. It is not very difficult to fathom since we, as human beings, desire to be acknowledged for what we are, too. I think, our purpose is not primarily to be good. Rather, being good is one of the effects of acknowledging God. It's like I acknowledge my father as my father, and obeying him comes with that acknowledgement. Because the office of father comes with a certain authority, and to acknowledge someone as one's father means I recognize that authority.

Be Holy

But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." (1 Peter 1:15, 16 NIV) 

But God said to Jonah, "Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?" "It is," he said. "And I'm so angry I wish I were dead." But the Lord said, "You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. (Jonah 4:9, 10 NIV)

I confess to You, Almighty God, that I have sinned recently. That the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart have not been pleasing to You. That I acted entitled and spoke ill of people, thinking myself better than them. But You are a loving and compassionate God. You love Your creations and I have no right to judge. Forgive me. You are the One who makes things grow and makes things wither. I thank You, Lord. Despite everything, You still saved us. I come before You this morning. I come at Your feet and declare, You are my God. I am Yours. And I repent. Teach me to be compassionate. Teach me to hold my tongue and to see things the way You want me to see things. May the meditations of my heart be pleasing toYou. May I learn to be holy in my daily walk.

Lord, I lift up the new projects. I lift up the proposals I am about to make. Teach me how to word them. And be with us for our meetings today. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

The Last Days

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— (2 Timothy 3:1-4 NIV)

Dear Lord, I see this today. In fact, I find myself like that sometimes. Forgive me. And teach me to be pleasing to You, dear God. Lord, the preaching spoke of holy burden yesterday. I find that mine would be the changing of mindset and the remembrance of value through literature. I find it really lamentable that values are degrading, chivalry is gone, the good is no longer fashionable. And I believe this can be fixed through literature the children take in. I know I can do this, but alone, I can't. I need You, Lord. Just finishing the novel is virtually impossible for me. I am too easily distracted. I am too easily bored. I question myself if I indeed want this enough. I mean, if I really believe this will change the world for the better, it should consume me, right? But it doesn't. My time is more consumed by running the company. And You gave this to me so I will run it properly. But Lord, You also placed in my heart a problem and a solution. If You want me to act on this now, Lord, give me the drive and give me the story.

Lord, I thank You for the projects. Be with us. Help us finish it quickly. I lift to You the week, Lord. Guide us, protect us and be with us. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

The Secret to Being Content

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12, 13 NIV)

Lord, I thank You for yesterday. We have projects, Lord. You are our Provider. Our Saviour. Lord, You said to me today that the secret to contentment is in knowing that I can do all this through You, who gives me strength. Thank You, Lord. Thank You. All praise and honor and glory be Yours forever and ever! This is I pray in the Holy Nameof Your Son, Jesus. Amen.

Remember His Signs

It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me. How great are his signs,
how mighty his wonders!
His kingdom is an eternal kingdom;
his dominion endures from generation to generation. (Daniel 4:2, 3 NIV)

Lord, forgive me. I have been fretting these past few days. This lack of projects is making me worried. But You said to be still. And to call on You. And to remember that You've saved me before. Lord, I'm still learning to be dependent on You. I want to, Lord. And therefore, I will not fret. I will press on, doing what You've taught me to do, knowing that You saved me before, and that You are sovereign, and that it was You who gave this to me, and it was You who told me to stay. And therefore, why would You let my people starve if You have plans for this company, right? Forgive me for having such a small view of You. You are a big God, intelligent, in control, and You love me. And You have plans for this company. And so, Lord. I come before You this morning. Help us. Save us. Please give us projects. Please bring in money soon. You know our needs. I lift these concerns to You, Lord. Please bless these hands. I will press on. I will make calls and proposals. But bless these hands and this heart, Lord. Help me to do what You want me to do. And may I not fret, lest I speak harshly because of that. All this I pray and I lift to You in the mighty Name of Your Son. And I declare, Lord, that You are sovereign. You are the Almighty. You are the God who reigns, who is in control, who sees, who hears, and who speaks. You are the Living God. And You are my God.

Jesus Loved His Betrayer

It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. (John 13:1 NIV) 

Jesus answered, "Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean. (John 13:10, 11 NIV)

The passage I read this morning was all about Jesus washing his apostles' feet. Yesterday, I listened to a podcast by Elevation Chruch called, "How to Hug a Vampire." He used the same passage then, too. I usually skim over this passage, thinking it a common part of Scripture, and thinking I already knew what the passage was all about: service. But the pastor speaking in the podcast pointed out one thing: Jesus washed the feet of Judas, too. And at his point, Jesus knew who would betray Him.

It gives a deeper meaning to service. It's easy to serve people you like. But Jesus shows us that his example includes the ones who hurt us, the ones who disappoint us.

Wait for your God Always

But you must return to your God;
maintain love and justice,
and wait for your God always. (Hosea 12:6 NIV)

Lord, I thank You for the weekend. I pray that I will not be weary waiting for You. Bless this week, Lord. May I not fret. Free me from being fearful because of what I see. I pray for my people. I pray for the new girl who's starting today. I pray for more projects. And may I run the company without forgetting why I do this. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

God's Time vs Signs

We often talk about waiting for God. The first Bible verse that really hit me as a young Christian was, "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) And there are a lot of other passages of God telling his people to wait. Wait for the Lord. Be still before Him. And in church, we speak of that. Be patient, we tell each other. Wait for the Lord. But for most of us, we get impatient. A lot of single people are guilty of this. And one of the ways we try to force God to answer us is when we ask for a sign.

Now, I'm not saying the Lord does not give signs. He does. And we can certainly ask for them. But have we ever considered that maybe God doesn't want to give us a sign sometimes? And that the "sign" that we see is actually our own selves speeding up the progression of things by claiming a thing as a sign to justify the move that we are about to make? Can we truly say that we are waiting for the Lord?

"Lord, there were five coincidences involved with me meeting this man. That was a sign!" That was me, if you're wondering. But it didn't turn out the way I planned. That wasn't His plan. The man was part of His plan, but not what I planned for him. "Lord, the next girl that I have coffee with, that's the girl na ha! I claim it!" But what if He has other plans? Will you force the relationship, thinking, "this is my sign! I claimed it!" Like as if God has to follow us just because we claimed it. Now, sometimes, the person we eye is really God's chosen for us. But sometimes, He has other plans. And maybe, just maybe, the girl you have coffee with next is really just a girl you have coffee with.

What I'm trying to say is, when God tells you to wait, just wait. And when you ask for a sign, evaluate your motives. Because maybe you're trying to hurry God along, and are seeing "signs" He never intended as signs for something He doesn't intend to reveal yet. After all, our God loves surprises.

Lamentations: Men

An old friend of mine sent me a text this morning. She said she was attending the 10am service this morning, and was asking if I wanted to have lunch. I did. I hadn't seen her in a while. So, we attended the 10am service at Victory Fort (separately) and met up after to have lunch.

Friends with Benefits
She had just broken up with her boyfriend last December. Then recently, her ex had come back to her offering "Friends with Benefits" status. Of course, she was offended. Her ex didn't want to confront certain issues, like addiction and money. He wanted them not to talk about it, and just... date... and be friends... with benefits. Which really irritated me. And he had been her boyfriend of nine years! "Jerk!" A voice kept screaming in my head. "Selfish cowardly jerk!"

I really need to silence those voices in my head. (Still... Jerk!)

I'm glad to say I know not all men are like that. Another friend of mine, a guy, also broke up with his girlfriend recently. And when his ex offered to be a friend with benefits if it was the only way to get back to him, he was rightly offended. My guy friend's reaction was, "Is that how little you think of me? That you think I would just jump at a chance to bed any girl that offers?" He also felt bad about how little she valued herself, offering her body like that.

Still. Guys like my friend are rare. And the rise of people who prefer being friends with benefits, pleasure without the commitment, is something I find sad. Very sad.

The Decline in Good Men
Ask women today, and most would tell you, there is a decline in good men in this day and age. There are a lot of factors. There's the hypersexualization of media, and even children's toys! There's the rise in strong women. Some of my friends (even guys, even Christian guys) would even venture to tell you that deterioration of chivalry is partly also caused by the Christian church.

This is because some churches encourage their youth to start out as friends first before actually pursuing a girl. Now, I see how the church is trying to get the boys to avoid jumping head first into a relationship they might not yet be ready to be in. I understand that. And maybe if done properly, this works for some people. But for several of my guy friends, this practice leads to several negative things in their experience: 1.) They are immediately relegated to friend zone, and so have a difficult time getting out of it; or 2.) They feel like this practice promotes being a wimp, where guys can just "feel" around, not declaring their true intentions until they think it's "safe" that the girl will not reject them. (Which also frustrates the women, especially in this day and age where women are strong and would like men to stop beating around the bush and just be clear as to their intentions) 3.) They think it confuses the women because we have to create a sort of "limbo" category where guys are friends, but not quite. It is confusing and frustrating that we just throw them into the friends category if they take too long.

Strong and Loyal Men
We, women, like making lists. While it's not bad to list the qualities one wants in a man, I find that I throw this list out the window. The basic ones stay, of course. God-fearing, able to support a family, loving, loyal... But even at the basics, it's already so hard to find a suitable guy. I'm not compromising the basics. That's for sure. But "a loyal man, who can find?" And I used to want strong tough gentlemanly men, but the definition to that has changed over the past year. Most of them are only manly on the outside. But inside, where it counts, where it's now about honor and what is right, and no longer about opening doors and pulling out chairs, many fail. And I would much prefer a man who is honorable inside, than a suave disciple of Barney Stinson. But those honorable ones are rare. I've seen some. But they're just so rare nowadays.