Dwell in the Land

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12 NIV)

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:3, 4 NIV)

Dear Lord, thank You. You have saved me and my people once again. Thank You, Lord. Thank You. The work we do, Lord, we do it for You. And I will continue to do what You have placed in my heart to do. There are days when I just want to drop everything because of the problems and obstacles, but You, Lord, are faithful. And You, Lord, are my strength. So even then, Lord, I will continue. Oh, Lord, there are so many more dreams that I'd like to make come true! But You have Your timing, Your perfect and good timing, Lord. And for now, I will dwell in the land You have given me and enjoy safe pasture for You are with me. Bless this coming week, Lord. Direct our hearts and minds and hands so that what we do is pleasing to You, my Lord and my God. Amen.

Be Courageous

Joshua said to them, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the Lord will do to all the enemies you are going to fight."

All these kings and their lands Joshua conquered in one campaign, because the Lord, the God of Israel, fought for Israel. (Joshua 10:25, 42 NIV)

Dear Lord, I know I should be fretting now, because we can lose a very important client if we're not careful. But somehow, I feel at peace. And I don't know why I said I will not fret because You will save us, but I do believe You will. Lord, bless the works of our hands, that what we produce will please You. Forgive us for being careless. And save us now, Lord, just as You have saved us before. Fight for us, Lord. I stand still before You. May the rain stop, Lord, that we can go to the office. And may we finish before lunch, Lord, that the electricians may finish our electricals today. Lord, give me rest. And give my people rest. And give my clients rest. I lift to You this rainy day, Lord. May You shower it with Your love, Your blessings, and Your favor. This I pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

Vampires that we are

I found an interesting podcast called, "How to hug a Vampire." I listened to it last night. I'm sure you'd agree that around us, there are people who suck the life out of us. Emotional vampires, some call them. But what the podcast was saying was that, most of the time, the vampires are our own selves.

I find, in my case anyway, that there is truth in this. We complain about how certain people around us are so draining and annoying. But many times, us complaining actually adds to the good-vibe-leakage. In my case, the only one really darkening my day is me. Client not yet paying. Urgh, agencies. But I already know agencies pay slow. So who's making my life miserable by fretting? Me. Phone line taking too long to get transferred. But I already know the phone company takes long. Who's sucking the life out of me by worrying? Me. Who's blaming me for not anticipating the problems, and making me feel bad doing so? Me. Nobody's else is blaming me. It's really just me. All I see are the problems. But I want to break free of that. Primarily, it's not other people who suck the life out of me. I suck my own life out of me. And I want to change that. I want to be an encourager, like my friend, Macky. I want to be a morale-booster, like another friend, Martin. I want to show the ones who are precious to me that I care. I want to look outside, and not keep on looking in and at how I feel. I want to be pleasant. I want to be brave. I want to have strong faith. I want to look at a problem and say, "Challenge accepted," instead of whining about how things are not going my way.

And so today, I shall try that. May my God drive a stake into that vampiric part of me, that the human part may live life, and live it to the full.

Friends

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 NIV)

Today's devotional was all about friends. I guess my lesson on community is still ongoing. Lord, I have friends and I love them. Some of my oldest fiends are very devoted to me. You have blessed me in that realm, Lord. And I am very grateful. Sometimes, I just don't take care of them properly, I guess. But I want to, Lord. If You would teach me how to maintain my friendships, strengthen them even more, and also make new ones, I would listen, Lord.

You of this Generation

"You of this generation, consider the word of the Lord: "Have I been a desert to Israel or a land of great darkness? Why do my people say, 'We are free to roam; we will come to you no more'? (Jeremiah 2:31 NIV)

No, Lord. you have not been a desert to me. You have been my spring, giving me enough resources to survive each day. You have bee my light in the darkness, my hiding place and my refuge. You have eased my fears. You have given me comfort when I sought for it from others and couldn't find it. You have taught me. You have guided me and rebuked me when I was wrong. I sought You, and You found me, Lord. I will forever come to You.

Today, a Fortified City

Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land—against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. (Jeremiah 1:18 NIV)

First, it was all about community. And I realized that I really haven't been involving my community in a lot of things I did. The tables arrived on Saturday. Some of my people came and helped me. But we started late and we were tired. We only finished assembling 2 tables. That night, I told my mother that I was going to the office the next day to continue building. And she said, "Alone? Are you out of your mind?" or something to that effect. The statement irked me. But later, upon reflection, it irked me because it implied she thought I couldn't do it myself. Pride. Long story short, I relented. That afternoon, my family and my manager and friend, Martin, came and helped build the tables. All thirteen were finished that afternoon. Behold, the power of community.

Alright, so I learned my lesson. You don't build an empire on your own. You do it with the power of God, the support of your friends, and the decision to trudge on. After the tables were completed, I felt a double-shot of achievement. One for the fact that we finished them. And the other for learning the lesson. Then just before I went to bed, this is what my God tells me. "Today, I have made you a fortified city." And I have a feeling it's not the walls He's referring to to protect me.

Black Dot on a White Space

Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil. (Proverbs 15:16 NIV)

Dear Lord, Martin told me I fret too much. And that's true. He said I always only see the tiny black speck and not the big white area. Lord, how? How do I not feel overwhelmed, Lord? Do I really not know how to wield power? Lord, teach me. In my eyes, the idea that there's still so much to do is greater than the fact that we have a nice new office. In my head, I know that this should be flipped. Change my heart, Lord. And Mom's right. I always just want to do things myself. I snapped at her last night. I'm sorry. Yes, I think the community part came in here. Lord, that's a lot of tables. But I'm supposed to have a bunch of friends and family, too. I need to learn. I need to stop fretting. Lord, change my heart.

Let Us

A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”
-Mark 2:1-5

These past few weeks, the message that has been persistent in my quiet time, in church, and basically, my life, has been community. I have friends. But do I really have community? I have to stop and think. I have close friends, friends I would protect and defend. I have friends whose company really lights up my day, and I'd never trade them for the world. But I don't confide in them. Sometimes, I do, when it's not too severe. But I don't always talk about the darkness. Don't get me wrong. I trust them with my life. But then I have to protect them from the darkness, right? That's why I shouldn't be talking to them about it. Because that darkness inside me is a spirit that might consume them, too, if I open myself and let out too much of it. Besides, isn't that just whining on my part?

Community. Community. Lord, You'll need to teach me in this area. I'm a bit blank. What do You want me to learn?

Moodcasting

Not so long ago, I asked my brother why I was stuck where I was. I was stuck in a dark emotion. I was stuck in a not-so-ideal financial situation. And I felt stuck. I asked what he thought my Creator was teaching me, or what he thought I was doing wrong. And my brother told me I was not ready for power.

Of course, at that time, I thought, "Not ready for power? I run a company!" I have been wielding power. Power is normal. And it's not like I abuse mine. I take care of the people given to me. What was my brother talking about? But lately, I've been seeing the truth in my brother's statement. I have a feeling he was talking about something else when he said what he said. But it's true nonetheless. I'm starting to see the power I actually have. And how I haven't been wielding it properly.

Funny how just a few months ago, the camp I attended was all about authority: submitting to it and wielding it. And my friend, Macky, had talked about wielding power at the camp. Also, I made a story that talked about this power. My brother, my friends, and even I have talked about power and this particular power. But I never really realized until recently what relation it had with me. I guess that's how our God teaches: over time and through different people.

I have a power. I call it Moodcasting.

I think all of us moodcast. And like any kind of ability, some of us have stronger moodcasting skills than others. In my case, I became aware of the intensity of my power when I did an evaluation within my little empire. And I found out that when I fret in the office, my people pick it up. They become afraid and uncomfortable. Their request was for me to be strong so that they would be strong. They want me to be unfazed so that they would be unfazed in the face of the unexpected. Whatever I felt, I cast. And what I cast, my people absorbed.

It was the same at home. My mother was always angry when I was angry. And so was my little sister. My brother had a low moodcasting ability. But his absorption was also low, which meant that he didn't get affected by emotions very quickly. But the rest caught fire quite quickly. And I was among the most frequent fire-setters in the family.

Of course, if my mood was good, that got caught, too. Somehow, people around me expected me to be happy, confident and not easily affected. Because if I wasn't, they'd pick it up. And they know it. And they asked me to do something about it.

The truth is, I didn't realize I had this power. And another truth is that I haven't been using it well. But it has been given to me, and now I must learn to wield it. And with God as my strength, I will learn to wield this.

Heavy

My heart is heavy, Lord. This time, I know it has nothing to do about money. Then again, I've known that for a while. I remember that Thursday in February in the Library last year, before this all began. It had already been like this then. It has nothing to do with pain. It has nothing to do with failure and broken relationships. I remember my prayer then. I remember how I felt. It's the same still. It has nothing to do with circumstance or experience. Lord, there is so much to be thankful for. So much to rejoice about. But why, Lord, why does my heart refuse to take flight? Every little thing annoys me. And I have no reason to be angry. I just am. I wish, Lord, to be everything You want me to be: loving, kind, patient... joyful. You've given me everything to be that. But why, Lord, can't I bring myself to just be happy? Why is my heart so stubborn? Why do I see the falling roof, and not the big new office? Why do I see the expense of having to buy new computers, and not the fact that we're expanding? We have money! Why am I on edge?

Is this stepping out of my comfort zone, Lord? I'm comfortable starting things so, doing something new is not uncomfortable to me. Is this it? Ah, Lord. I don't like myself very much at the moment. Please don't be insulted. I don't mean to do that. It's just that, You must admit, I'm not exactly delightful right now. Ah! Why can't I be strong and unfazed when things happen? My people look to me. They expect me to be strong. I want to be strong. And yet they see me crumble. This isn't good. What about when I have children? I have to be strong and unfazed for my children, too. They cannot see me crumble. Ah! Such a big thing that needs to be fixed. I know in my head what needs to be done, but everything else of me is not cooperating! I'm such a whiner and I can't help it!

Lord, fix me! I want to be fixed. I want to live in love. I want to be joyful. See? Being joyful isn't even for me alone. My people feel more secure when I'm happy. My family, too! My family is like paper. They catch fire so easily when I'm raging. But when I'm happy, that seems to be caught, too. But me? Me, joyful? I have to be the one to set the mood? While one part of me likes that kind of power, can I even wield it properly? Look at me, Lord! A little thing and I cry. A little thing and I'm angry. It's just a ceiling! It's just picking my sister up! Why do these things annoy me so?

Lord, fix me. They say You qualify those You call. Pat told me something about not being able to wield power. But Lord, You gave me this mood-setting power. And Lord, I cannot wield this properly. Oh, Lord, please. Teach me to reign in my emotions. Teach me to smile even though I want to bare my fangs. Teach me to draw my strength and confidence in You even when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. Teach me, Lord. I will listen. Change my heart. I lay it at Your feet.

Ceiling Coming Down

Lord, I thank You that we're finally moving to a new place. I thank You for giving the provisions for us to move. You are truly a God of timing. You are truly a God who is good.

Lord, forgive me for whining. The ceiling of the new office sagged when we took off support. And, while I know this is nothing, and You'll take care of it, I couldn't help but feel... like there was no one to protect me at that time. I felt a little alone. Ah, I couldn't help but wish there was a man to help me. I couldn't help but wish I had the man. But this is absurd, Lord. Even if I had the man. He wouldn't be able to help me, either. Because he wouldn't be running this empire. I still would. Anyway, Lord, it was just a feeling. A sudden longing to be rescued. I had rather thought I was over these kinds of feeling for a while. Apparently not. Apparently, I still... long. Ah, Lord, I need to be strong. I need to get over feelings like this.