Where the Glory Goes

He must increase, but I must decrease. (John 3:30 NKJV)

Dear Lord,

I've been having these great ideas but when it comes to the stories, I get stumped. And that's possibly because You've emptied me of my desires. But You, O Lord, I know have remained in my heart. So, does that mean my story focus is just off that's why I can bring myself to write? I must decrease and You must increase. Your Glory has to shine through these story games. Tell me what to write about, Lord. What's a story that gives glory to You? Enlighten me, Lord.

Like Leaven

Another parable He spoke to them: “The kingdom of heaven is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal till it was all leavened.” (Matthew 13:33 NKJV)

Good morning, Lord,

I thank You for Your Word. I thank You for Your promises. Lord, give me courage. Give me strength to do what I need to do today. I need to talk to MRM. I don't look forward to it, and there's a negativeness that keep wanting to rise up in me. But Dad is right. And I need to do this for my company. I really need the funds, Lord. Payroll is just around the corner again. Ah, I don't feel like a proper Christian, always anxious and afraid. But You said Your Kingdom is like leaven. It has been put in me, but now I have to wait and trust that the meal will rise. All things work together for those who love You and are called for Your purpose. Take away my anxiety, Lord. And help me to choose joy. Calm me. They are all just people, like me, anyway. Nothing to be afraid of. What's the worst that could happen? Nothing. I retain the same state. But if You grant me the payment and soften their hearts, I will have payroll for my company.

Take away the anxiety and the anger, Lord. Let Your joy awaken in me. Let Your Spirit guard my heart from considering evil and negative and fear-filled things. I am Yours. I should not be timid. Be my strength, Lord. Give me wisdom and be with me. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Make the Tree Good

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (Matthew 12:33, 34 NKJV)

For some time now, my God's command to me is to rejoice. Be happy. How can one command someone to be happy? Isn't happiness something you feel depending on the circumstance? And if you argue that He's asking me to be joyful, not happy, isn't joy a gift? How can one command someone to rejoice when joy is supposed to be a gift?

The command is actually more difficult to obey than you think. And it doesn't help when you have a voice inside your heart saying, "What for? What's the point? What difference does it make if I'm happy or joyful or not?"

And now, this. Make the tree good? Isn't a tree just good or bad? How can you make a tree good when it's grown? And what's worse is the alternative for not obeying is that the tree is made bad. And we are known by our fruits. We produce what we are. And what am I right now? I am lost. I am disinterested. I feel unloved, unloving and unlovable. I don't feel I'm worth very much and I don't feel beautiful.

Ah, Lord, I do want to obey You. But I don't know where to start! Lord, this is hard! I have to make me happy. I have to make the tree good because I know I just need to start it and You will give me joy. I can't see how, but I know it will turn out alright because everything works together for those who love You and for those who are called according to Your purposes.

I will obey, O God. But I need a little help here. Ingrain it in me, shove it in my face if You have to. But show me, show this fickle distracted heart that You have a purpose for me. And point where I need to go, Lord. Teach me, Lord, as You have promised, where to go and what to do. Teach me to be a great leader. Speak to this hole-ridden heart that it may learn to be still. That it will be secure in the knowledge that You are in control. Because the church says You are. But my heart, dear Lord, is not sure. And I will speak truth before You.

I don't know if I can properly pull off what You want me to do. But I will certainly try. I am off now to try to rejoice and be happy. My first step for the week is to do a bit of running. They say endorphins can make you happy.

Beulah

No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married
-Isaiah 62:4

Some time ago, not long after I had decided to pledge my life to my God, I received this as a promise. That time, I had been in a dark pit, struggling to climb out. My heart was broken and I was unable to hold on to any strength to pull me out of the darkness. At that time, I thought a broken heart and a crushed spirit was of no use, of no worth, to anyone. All I could do was sit in that deep dark pit and look up to the light high high up. Just sit there and hope the little hope my hole-ridden heart could hold. Just sit there, and hope my God would take care of my poor little company. Because its leader, if she could be called that given her state at that time, had no strength to continue loving what she had started. How could she possibly love when all she had was a broken hole-ridden heart that believed love was nothing but a lie? But she knew she had to believe. She had to learn to believe in the truth and existence of love again, because so many young dreamers looked to her to set the tone of the company. So many young hearts were going to feel as lost as she did if she didn't pull herself together soon. But at that time, all she could do was murmur an apology and grieve the death of her dreams. Oh, the company was still there. It just wasn't her dream anymore. Her heart had become incapable of holding a dream now. And all she could do was pray that the God who put the dream in her in the first place would have pity on the dreamers who looked to her. And save them as she was no longer, and maybe never have been, able to save them.

And this was what He said. This was the promise that resonated in her hard, broken excuse of a heart in that deep dark pit she had struggled so long to climb out of.

And this year has seen the fulfillment of that promise. I think the fulfillment is still continuing. I just hadn't noticed it until one of the organizations I had been trying to forge an alliance with said this in his email:

"... form an NDA , just for formality and that we can marry each other (our companies hehehe) so both of us can be rest assured that our secrets are safe :D"

Non-disclosure Agreements are normal in the world I move in. The way he said it, though, triggered the memory of the promise. And I suddenly realized theirs wasn't the only organization we had been forging an alliance with this year. There was another one with a different focus that we made an agreement with, too, earlier this year. ("Polygamy!" Cries my sister).

Thank You, my God, for the promise and its fulfillment. May I never forget that You are truly a faithful God. My friends, rejoice on this day with me. Rejoice that we have a God who fulfills promises, and remembers even though we are fickle and forgetful. My very name, derived from Elizabeth, speaks of His promise. I had pancakes and bacon to celebrate. Friends, celebrate with me and remember.