Make the Tree Good

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (Matthew 12:33, 34 NKJV)

For some time now, my God's command to me is to rejoice. Be happy. How can one command someone to be happy? Isn't happiness something you feel depending on the circumstance? And if you argue that He's asking me to be joyful, not happy, isn't joy a gift? How can one command someone to rejoice when joy is supposed to be a gift?

The command is actually more difficult to obey than you think. And it doesn't help when you have a voice inside your heart saying, "What for? What's the point? What difference does it make if I'm happy or joyful or not?"

And now, this. Make the tree good? Isn't a tree just good or bad? How can you make a tree good when it's grown? And what's worse is the alternative for not obeying is that the tree is made bad. And we are known by our fruits. We produce what we are. And what am I right now? I am lost. I am disinterested. I feel unloved, unloving and unlovable. I don't feel I'm worth very much and I don't feel beautiful.

Ah, Lord, I do want to obey You. But I don't know where to start! Lord, this is hard! I have to make me happy. I have to make the tree good because I know I just need to start it and You will give me joy. I can't see how, but I know it will turn out alright because everything works together for those who love You and for those who are called according to Your purposes.

I will obey, O God. But I need a little help here. Ingrain it in me, shove it in my face if You have to. But show me, show this fickle distracted heart that You have a purpose for me. And point where I need to go, Lord. Teach me, Lord, as You have promised, where to go and what to do. Teach me to be a great leader. Speak to this hole-ridden heart that it may learn to be still. That it will be secure in the knowledge that You are in control. Because the church says You are. But my heart, dear Lord, is not sure. And I will speak truth before You.

I don't know if I can properly pull off what You want me to do. But I will certainly try. I am off now to try to rejoice and be happy. My first step for the week is to do a bit of running. They say endorphins can make you happy.