Silver. That's how I'd describe 2011. Don't ask me how it became silver, but when we talk about 2011, the color silver comes to mind. And 2012 is gold.
2011 was a very eventful year for me. For Komikasi, it was a very good year. We got to be part of Game Connection this year. We got two big clients this year. And they've employed our services for several projects already. We got to be part of two more organizations or groups. And the company is really starting to make a name for itself. This wouldn't have been possible if not for my very able and persistent team. So, team, thank you, and let's make 2012 even better! And this definitely wouldn't have happened if it weren't for God. Lord, my team can attest to the many times you've saved us. And I can attest to Your hair-raising timing. Imagine, my client hadn't been paying for months. Then, just when I really needed the money, they pay the whole bulk of it! And our latest client, Lord. You prompted me to just send them an email eleven months after I had presented to them. Cold call. Asking if they had something I could bid on. And they had me come in the very next day for a briefing! And we got the project! And we're still getting more!
I know my God has plans for Komikasi. And so I will take care of this little empire He has put in my care. The plan is not much different from when it started. It's still to change the world. The only thing that changed is for whom I do it.
On the personal side of my life, this year has been a roller-coaster ride. I fell in love. Got my heart broken. Went back to God. Met new people. Got myself too busy, it wasn't funny anymore. Tried to run away from all the emotions. Got reprimanded by my Heavenly Father several times through the Good Book and through people around me. Realized I was becoming what had hurt me. Went back to God again. And now, I'm a work in progress. If any of my posts hold any hurt, fear or bitterness in them, you have permission to tell me off. In fact, I implore you to tell me off. As my friend, help me not to become that which I am fighting so hard not to become. I choose to love. It's not easy when you've been hurt. Hurt people hurt people. But I have made my choice. It's so easy to say it, but it's not very easy to implement. But with your help, and with your prayers, and with my Almighty God, who is the God of Love, I know it can be done. And the next time I love a man, it will be without fear. Love is a celebration. Let's keep it that way.
Man, there were so many lessons I learned this year. Not just from my direct experiences, but from the experiences of the people I met. Most of my lessons this year were heart lessons. I learned that irritability usually comes from one's disappointment with oneself. And when we hurt people, it's usually because we ourselves are hurt. And we usually hurt the people who are closest to us. And when we hurt them, they don't usually deserve it. That's why I'm so sorry, team, friends and family! I didn't mean to take it out on you. Forgive me!
This year, I thought what I knew about love was proven to be false. But later, I realized it wasn't being proven false, it was being tested to show me a higher form of it. It's true form.
This year, I saw some of my dreams turn to dust. But realized that it didn't matter. What do you do when your dreams turn to dust? (You vacuum.) You pick yourself up, and continue. You'll be given a new dream. Or God will revive the old dream. Or, in my case, He'll tell you to stay, stick to it and continue what you're doing anyway, even when the feeling is not there anymore. It's just a feeling, and the heart is a treacherous thing.
This year, I heard the stories of people. These were real stories with real emotions. I got to meet broken characters and triumphant characters. I heard of tragedies. I heard of miracles. I heard of answered prayers. Maybe even became part of some of their stories. I know they've become part of mine.
This year, I learned to be human.
And one of the most important things I learned this year is this: courage. Courage to face what's coming. Courage to conquer the hurts. Courage to let go and forgive. Courage to bless the people who hurt you and wish them the best. Courage to trust God, and have the faith that He knows what He's doing even if it doesn't seem to make sense. Because God is also a storyteller. And the best twists come when you don't see it coming.
2011 was a crash course in relationships and character for me. The breakup was not a failure in the lesson, but rather the start of the test. And it was a difficult test. But I think I'm getting the lessons. Also, 2011 was a year of setting up. I've seen my God's hand in all this. Komikasi couldn't be where we are now if we didn't get help. That plus the fact that He seems to keep telling me to stay where I am. I don't know what the future holds, but I have a feeling 2012 will be a great year for me and Komikasi.
Oh, and if any of you see my first love, let him know I don't hate him. I don't see him anymore. But I still pray for him, for God to bless and keep him, for God to help him find what he's looking for, and for God to shine a light and chase away the darkness I saw in his eyes the last time I saw him. Let him know that I am sorry for any hurt I had caused him. And tell him to cheer up. Whatever storm he goes through, tell him to just pray and hang on. He'll get through it. It can't rain forever. One day, we'd look back on all this and laugh about how silly we were breaking each other's hearts like that. And we would be friends, just as he had once hoped.
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