My Ideal Man

I was chatting with a friend yesterday. And he asked me why I was still single. And I told him it was because I haven't found the right man yet. And so he asked me what my ideal man was. And it made me realize that my ideal man seemed to be a dying breed.

Well, of course, there are the basics. God-fearing man. Financially capable of supporting me and our would-be family. Would never raise a hand against women. Not into drugs or excessive alcohol. A one-woman man. Single. Any of these items is false and he's out of the running.

Then there are secondary musts and preferences. He has to be reliable. He has to be close to his family. Loving. Stable. I prefer an intellectual. A man who loves to travel. Loves to read. A true gentleman.

Then over the years, more were added. I love big families so, I prefer a man from a big clan. I need him to like children because I want some of my own some day. I'd like someone who could surprise me. Someone with a positive outlook on life.

I found that I loved words. And so I liked men who were eloquent, who were witty, and who were confident with their words. I also learned that I have a soft spot for flirts. No, not playboys. I despise guys who play with hearts, and I don't like little boys (and this has nothing to do with age). But men who are not afraid of giving you compliments, who are confident in the way they approach you, and who would do things to make you feel a little more special than the rest. Confidence is really attractive to me. I love it when men carry themselves well. I love it when they're sure of what they want. I love it when they're passionate about something. And I love it when they relentlessly pursue it.

Then I fell in love, and, other than the basics, the whole list just went out the window. Then my heart got broken, and I learned about what I really wanted and needed in a man.

I need them to be courageous. I need them to be persistent. I need them not to give up so easily because life will put you through things and I need someone who would be there with me to go through all the storms. I need a man who is happy. I need a man who has a positive outlook in life, who would be confident that together, we could take on anything. And with God, we would never fail. I need a man who would really love me, and not just "kinda like" me. Decisive. Knows what he wants. Generous, not just in resources, but also in time and words. That is the man I'm looking for.

I find myself lamenting the lack of men like these. I have a lot of male friends and acquaintances. And the statuses some of them post on their Facebook walls just sadden me. They are afraid. Their posts go like, "Don't expect promises to be kept. You'll only be disappointed." or "Don't care about her too much, you'll just end up hurt." My first guy even went as far as telling me, "Let's not celebrate monthly anniversaries. One of these days, one of us will just end up disappointing the other." Why are they so afraid? Granted, they've been hurt. But they are men! No, I'm not trying to put you down. On the contrary, I believe in your inherent strength. I apologize for what the womenfolk have done to some of you. Some of us truly are unfeeling. And some of us are really mean and immature. But some of us are probably just so in love with you and we don't know how to handle it. Whatever we put you through, I apologize profusely. But please, for your sake and the sake of the right woman for you, don't let the experience destroy you. Don't let the hurt consume you. Don't let bitterness take hold of your heart. Do not give up so easily. And don't let the pain make you afraid.

Ah, God! Show me that there are brave men in my generation still. My heart bleeds for the loss. Lord, You know clearly how much this grieves me.