Clothe Yourselves With These

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12 NIV)

Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. These are the five things I'd like to learn for myself, as a sort of gift to myself. It's not very easy since I spent most of my younger years being more concerned with the project over the people. I was proud and arrogant. And I was very impatient. I'm not gentle at all. I'm very direct, and I'm more concerned about getting the message to the listener quickly rather than getting it to them in a way that is gentle. I'm very impatient and I dislike beating around the bush. I find it a waste of time.

But I am attracted to kindness. And I'd like to learn to be kind.

Faithful

Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 

Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. "The man who hates and divorces his wife," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "does violence to the one he should protect," says the Lord Almighty. 

So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. (Malachi 2:13-16 NIV)

Lord, I pray for the people of my generation and the generation of my children and grandchildren. May there be a rise of strong faithful men. Our media is very questionable these days. Movies like "The Mistress" are hits. And actually, women being unfaithful may also be on the rise. Lord I pray for all of us in our generation, and especially the generation after us. Teach us to be faithful.

Equip Me

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.  

Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. (Hebrews 13:1, 2, 20, 21 NIV)

Dear Lord, I pray, please equip me with every good thing to do Your will. Please work in me what is pleasing to You. Teach me to love. Teach me to be kind.

Lord, I may be too direct, and I don't notice it most of the time. It probably drives people away. Lord, how do I do this? It's not like I purposely do it to make people uncomfortable. I just go straight to the point. And like I said, I don't even notice it most of the time. I don't want to drive people away, Lord.

I had a dream last night. He came back. I shouldn't be dreaming of this anymore. I don't want the feeling of elation when he puts his arm around me because it's always followed by the sinking feeling that it's not going to last. That when the problems come, he will leave.

Lord, I don't want to think like this. I want to believe that there is good in man. That there is a man out there for me who is loyal, who would fight for me, whose hugs and kisses and words are true. Seeing that, experiencing that, having a man like that, would be one of the great and rare wonders of this world. And I pray for that, Lord. I pray fervently and deeply for that.

Idols

"Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God's love for them. (Jonah 2:8 NIV)

Lord, are there any idols in my life I need to get rid of? Lord, set my heart right.

Act Justly, Love Mercy

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8 NIV)

Guard my heart, O Lord, and teach me to act justly and to love mercy. Change my mind, O God, that what I think and imagine will be pleasing to You. Forgive me for thinking myself better than others. Forgive me for speaking ill of people. Mold my heart, Lord, that I will be pleasing to You. And teach me, Lord, to lead my people that we will be Your people and You will be our God. And we will create to bring You glory and honor and praise.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Ramblings at 3 in the Morning

Lord. you said that my delighting in a person is a gift from You. It is something that should not be abhorred or shut off. And I like it, Lord. I thank You for the gift. It's just that sometimes I can't help but wish for more, and since that cannot be, my tendency is to shut it off. Forgive me. I guess I just didn't know how to deal with these things. It's not exactly something your parents teach. But You have been kind to me. And have taken away the squeezing in my heart. I thank You, Lord.

I saw him recently. And, Lord! The room suddenly lit up! And the next day, I was teetering between happiness and despair. But happiness was winning. :)

I've only told one friend of him. I seem to be embarrassed to admit that I admire someone. My friend says it's normal. And that I'm weird for being embarrassed. My pastor says (though not directly to me) not to give up. And I am torn between wanting to see him and wanting to shut him off completely.

Ah, Lord. I need to get out more and see other people. It does not do to pine after someone like this. There are days when I question if I am indeed beautiful, as some people say I am. Or if they are just saying that because they're friends of mine, or because they're Christian. Or if it really matters if I'm beautiful or not. Most likely, it doesn't. Well, I suppose it does, but not that much in this case. Ah, but I thank You for my looks anyway. If I am indeed beautiful, at the very least, even if it doesn't attract anyone, if seeing a pleasant face makes someone's day, then that's something to be grateful about. And it's good for business.

Listen to me, Lord. I sound like a high schooler. Why? How do you deal with these things anyway? I've always thought, and so that's what I've always done, that if you can't have someone you like, you shut him off and move on. You still have a world to change and so you don't have time to be lovesick. But I've been told recently that doing that locks away part of your heart. And that if I continue doing that, I will lose my heart completely. And it almost happened recently, remember? I felt like my heart had holes because it couldn't retain any good feeling. Turns out, it was missing pieces. And I had to go back into my past to retrieve the missing pieces... Only to have my heart pulled in a crush again.

But Lord, this is infinitely better than the state I was in. So, I thank You for pulling me out of that pit. I just want to deal with this correctly this time. I like someone. I cannot have him given current circumstances. I have a business to run, so I can't let heart issues get to me. I must not lose hope. I must not worry. I must not shut him off. But I will not pine for him.

There.

And now, here is my heart, Lord. You choose the man. I'll just concentrate on making great games.

Lord, I can't sleep. It's 3 in the morning. But I'm very happy for today, Lord. The team we love has asked for us back.

I Will Not Be Mastered by Anything

"I have the right to do anything," you say—but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"—but I will not be mastered by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV)

Someone asked Ganns Dean, a Christian Misic Blogger, if it was alright to listen to K-Pop. He used the passage above in his answer. And I've only recently started to understand this. For most religious people, rules govern their actions. But it shouldn't be that way. You put rules in the beginning. But as the human race grows older and understands better, it has become clear that our actions should really be governed by the heart. And the rules now become relative to a person.

I'm not saying, follow your heart. No, the heart is deceitful. But listen to it and judge. A friend of mine said that whenever she looks at the billboards on Edsa, she starts to have sexual fantasies when she sees near-naked men on the ads. So whenever she passes Edsa, she does her best not to look at the billboards. I have no such compulsion when I look at the Bench billboards. But for me, some Animes consume me to the point of obsession. In my case, that's the thing I have to be careful about.

I think this same rule applies to men and relationships, too. I can get married. I can want a man. But he cannot be my world.

Lord, I lift to You my heart. I want a man, Lord. No, I want the man. The right man who would love me and who I would love. And I entrust that concern to You. But guard my heart, Lord, that I will not be overly concerned with finding him. In fact, won't You send him to me, Lord, so that I don't have to look for him? And bless this heart and these hands as I go about Your business, Lord. After all, You've given me this company to run. And You've given me the desire in my heart to change the world. May I do good work, Lord, that Your Name will be glorified.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.