John 9:1-7 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” this word means “Sent”. So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.
I listened to a podcast by Pastor Steven Furtick about God's method and madness. It was funny and insightful. He was talking about how we usually expect something glorious and magical from God when we ask for His help. But many times, he'll make mud from His saliva and put that on our eyes. Very anti-climactic and roundabout, if you think about it. But God's ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are different from our thoughts. But after all the things that happen, and we follow what He tells us to do (go wash your eyes in the river), we see.
They say to be careful what you pray for. The Lord listens. Two years ago, I prayed for love. True love. And instead of magically making me more loving towards people, my God made me fall in love, then allowed my heart to be broken. Then put me at a crossroad where I had to choose if I was going to love or not. He showed me what true love is. Not mush. Not "I love you"s. Not the warmth you see in a person's eyes. Those are manifestations of being in love. But true love is forgiveness. True love is the decision to not hate. To let go, and when I say let go, that includes the hurt, the bitterness, the anger. It wasn't easy. It took about a year. And I couldn't do it alone. I couldn't even rely on just my friends and family around me. Some of them would listen, but they couldn't give me the strength and power I needed. Only One had the supernatural strength to help me follow through on my decision to choose love.
Then, just as I had gotten over my first love, a new situation popped up. It's a bit more complicated than the previous one. But again, if I choose love, then love is patient, love is kind. It does not delight in evil. It protects. I almost wanted to give up. But "What is your choice, Ria?" a voice asked me. Love protects. Love perseveres. I'm so tired, Lord. I need Your strength once again.
God works in mysterious ways. But one thing I know for sure, I'm really learning about love and the matters of the heart. Is it easy? No. Is it done? No. Do I feel lost and frustrated and disappointed? For sure. But some things I know for sure keeps me going, even if it's hard to see the light at the moment: I prayed for love. My God listens. My God is faithful.
Therefore I will proceed. And to my dear friend, I know you're angry. I know it's painful. I know it's corny to tell you to hold on to our God. But He's saved you before. Ask Him to save you again. Because as much as I want to, I can't save you. And we both know that whatever I do will hurt you. I will persevere. I will do my best. But it's not going to amount to much. Only your Creator can reach down that deep and soothe the hurt in your heart. I can't do it. I pray and wish and hope that we can be good friends again. That I can have your love as a friend. Because right now, I am afraid that since I've rejected that type of affection from you, you would only either give me that type of affection nonetheless, or withhold all affection from me. Forgive me for my actions. Knowing me, I would still probably continue to end up doing things that would hurt you. But just because I spend less time being with you doesn't mean I don't love you. When I'm not in good terms with my sister, I ignore her. But that doesn't mean I've stopped loving her. Know that my action is brought about by panic and confusion. But please know that in my heart, I do love you dearly as a close and treasured friend no matter what.
I entrust you now to the God I serve. May He heal your heart. May He send you soon a nice sensible girl who will love you well. He sometimes uses mud to do His miracles, but you know after everything, the miracle will still happen.
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