I am Afraid

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:10, 13 NIV)

Dear God, dear Father,

I need You. I am afraid. You tell me not to fear. But I can't see You. I can't find You. Four weights are already on me. By tomorrow, it will be six or seven. By Monday, ten. By Tuesday, eleven. People tell me not to look at the problem but see the positive side. Lord, I cannot see the positive side when I can see no light for the problems I already have. And they are compounding. Lord, what am I to do? Lord, I can't even see You. You said, Lord, do not fear. You said, Lord, You will help me. Please do, Lord. I am hanging on to only that now. I don't even know if this is Your message for me. I'd like to think so. But I can't see You so I don't remember how to tell if You are truly speaking to me or it's just me trying to convince myself that You're telling me You would help me. Don't forget me, Lord. Where are You in all this, my God? Reveal Yourself to me that I do not forget the good things You have done. Lord, please, where are You? Call to me, my God. Say my name. Say the word, Lord, and I will walk on water. But be not silent towards me. Lord, You said, seek and you shall find. Lord, where are You? I need You. I need You to make a way. I need a miracle. If You do not wish to magically take this problem away, then at the very least, send me a magical something to just tell me You're there. I am blind, Lord. Unless You do something big or You open my eyes, I cannot see. I need to see You. I need You, Lord, to show me that I'm not alone in all this. I already feel unloved and unlovable, and now I feel incompetent, too. Lord, I need You. I need my Father's reassurance. I need You. Lord, please. Tell me I'm not alone. Show me that You're there. I can't see You. And please, please, please, save me. Let it be true that You say this to me. Let it be true that You tell me not to be afraid. Let it be true that You said You will help me. And please, Lord, help me. Help me. Tomorrow, we have to pay taxes again. And maybe electricity. Lord, open up a way. Show me a way in the wilderness. Open up a path for me. Lord, please, please, please help me.