An Issue of Faith

5 By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.” For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. 6And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

-Hebrews 11:5-6

But, Lord, it's so hard! I don't understand. I don't see the point. I don't see what I'm going through to have any bearing to the coming of Your Kingdom. Why, Lord? I know I'm not supposed to ask, because I have to have faith in You, and trust that all things work together for those who serve You. But it's so hard, Lord. If You don't want him for me, why thrust me back in that place? Why cause me to hope again? I don't hate him, my King. I miss him, and that's why I don't want to see him. I don't understand, Lord. I know I need to have faith, but won't you send me something, anything, to let me know where I'm headed? What am I supposed to feel? I feel lost and angry, Lord.

17 By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18 even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” 19 Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.

20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future.

21 By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.

22 By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions concerning the burial of his bones.

23 By faith Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.

24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. 27 By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the application of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.

29 By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.

30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days.

31 By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.

32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, 33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection.

-Hebrews 11:17-32

"What more shall I say, little raven?"

"I'm sorry, my King. I have such little faith."

"I am not pleased."

"I know that. And I feel bad about it. It's just so hard, Lord. And You even said that there's a possibility that I won't see the fulfillment of the promise. How can my love story glorify You when it's non-existent and I'm dead? If You're referring to this relationship that just ended, how can it glorify You when it's failed. How can it even be called a love story when the love has already died? In his case, anyway, it seems like it's dead."

"Oh, you of little faith. Are you dead?"

"No."

"Are you absolutely sure it's over?"

"No! Why are You making me hope, Lord? I don't even know if I should hope for him back or not. I'm trying not to hope for him back. But it's so hard when he still keeps popping up on Facebook even after I removed him as a friend, and You keep throwing me back to school even after I resigned."

"My thoughts are higher than your thoughts. My ways are different from your ways."

"I know that. In my head, I know that. But the heart is treacherous and uncooperative."

"You asked Me what to do. I'm telling you what to do. Have faith. What more shall I say? What more do you want?"

"..."

"I have not been silent. You know that. I'm just not giving you the answers you want to hear. But I have answered you, many times over. Didn't I tell you that if you believe, you would see My glory? I thought you wanted to see My glory."

"I do, my King."

"Then what are you waiting for? Why are you hesitating? I already told you how."

"It's so hard, Lord."

"It's very simple, little raven. Just believe. Have faith. Trust Me."

"..."

"Let go."

"I'll fall."

"Will you just trust Me?"

"You allowed him to break my heart."

"Since when has pain stopped you? It never did, why is it stopping you now?"

"The pain is different this time. It's unfamiliar. It's too close. It's inside. It can't be shut off. Besides, for dreams, I can wish with all my heart. People have their own wills and fears and selfishness. I'm afraid to hope wholeheartedly."

"You've been disappointed with dreams before. You were never afraid. Why would you fear being disappointed by people? It's no different."

"... Well, if You put it that way..."

"Have faith, raven. I know it feels good to hold on to the anger. It feels good to fight. But in this case, I need you to let go."

"Of him?"

"Of everything. Of the hurt. Of the things you don't understand. Of what is to come. Of control. You need to let go of control. You know what happens to you morally when you hold tight to control."

"Yes." *sulk

"Am I your King?"

"... Yes."

"Am I your King?"

"Yes, Lord!"

"Then do what I say."

"... Yes, Lord."

"What are you to do?"

"Have faith. Let go."

"Good. You owe Me, little raven." *wink "For offending Me. You owe Me love letters."

"Love letters?"

"Yes. 365 of them."

"Yes, my King. I give them wholeheartedly."

"Good."

"... Thank you, my King. Here is my heart again. It is not only broken. It's also a little treacherous. But it's all I have. Will You take it, Lord?"

"Always."