Even though...

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. (Habakkuk 3:17, 18 NIV)

My God, forgive me. I whined and questioned You yesterday. But though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. My brother gave me really good insights yesterday. And I cried again. Hay. Good thing my sisters didn't notice. Or chose not to. My brother said, learn to appreciate people, while not having the need to acquire them. And with those words, the squeezing in my heart lifted. I didn't need to shut off anymore.

Lord,  I'm beginning to feel a light in my heart. It is still eclipsed by dark clouds every now and then. But I no longer feel despair and fear. Thank You for that. I want to write agin, Lord. This time, for Your glory. But I think I may be over thinking this. The last time I tried to make a Christian game, it didn't work. You've taught me before that it's not the content of the work that mainly has to be Christian for it to be a work for You, but rather, the heart and integrity that were there when it was being created. Those were more of a testimony than just making a Jesus-related work. Because the work is fiction but the integrity is real. But I have an idea, Lord. And it teaches about spirits and love. But I'm so frustrated that I couldn't make a decent story for it.

My sister says it's overthought and underfelt. And I think she's right. My brother tells me it is expected because I haven't been reading and watching as much now as I had been at the peak of my story-creating. But You broke my heart, Lord, and with it all my old desires. It's so hard to find a piece of work that moves me now.

Lord, my siblings are correct. I need input again before I can have any decent output. I don't need to rush this spirits story. I first need to read again before I can write again. I'm going to church now. Then after that, I'm passing by the bookstore. Give me a story, Lord. If You really want me to create again, and I fervently pray You do, give me the stories You want me to read, to influence the stories You want me to write.

All this I lift up to You. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.