For the Display of His Splendour

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. (Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV)

My emotions had been a muddle the past few days. On Sunday, I prayed fervently for my heart, which had felt like it had holes and so couldn't hold any good thing. But He told me to open my eyes. He told me to do the possible and leave the impossible to Him. But I couldn't see what was possible. And so on Tuesday, He sent one of His anointed to me, to show me that my heart did not just have holes. It was missing pieces. And that I had to go back and find those pieces I had left behind within the dark and painful memories of my past.

And so in the evening, I did. I faced the emotions and didn't run away. But, oh, I felt sad. So very sad. But in the midst of the sadness, I felt a little braver. For though it hurt to remember, I faced it. Not alone, thank God! I had Him and His anointed at hand.

The dark emotions that I had to confront continued. I felt sick on Wednesday, like I wanted to vomit because of all the bad feelings. But I couldn't. I felt weak. I felt my strength being sapped. And with the exhuming of the hurts, I had found others that I had buried. I found hope there. I had forgotten I had buried it, too. I had tried to kill it then. But I was afraid if I learned to kill hope, it would be so easy for me to do it in the future. So I buried it and just forgot about it. I found that I couldn't really fall in love with anybody because I buried that desire to love, too. Because at that time, I thought it was all a lie, a glamour that was never true.

I pressed on, having faith that my God would get me through this. Then His anointed checked up on me on Thursday. And he gave me words that encouraged, words in the Name of the Most High that lifted me. He told of "The Emptying," how not a lot of people survive it, but the chosen of the Almighty were safe. How did he know about the Emptying? He knew exactly how I felt. And suddenly, I didn't feel alone.

Lord, I thank You. Suddenly, I look at what I had gone through, and I don't see a tragedy. I see it now and understand what the scriptures were talking about. It is a gift. A glorious and necessary trial to empty the Lord's chosen of their own little gods. To break their unyielding hearts of stone so that it can be replaced by a heart of flesh, warm and alive.

I had thought myself a raven. An ominous creature romanticized by the poets, but in truth, a scavenger living off scraps and trash. But my God has opened my eyes to see what I could become from out of these ashes. I was not meant to be a raven, living for myself on whatever I found, masquerading as something regal when she's nothing more than a scavenger. No, my God had given me a name. A name I hardly use. But my God does not do things for no reason. And our names are given to us for the Almighty's purpose. All I had to do was trust Him and go through the fire.

And so now, I give myself to You, Lord, in the service of Your Kingdom. Mold me to be a delight to You. And help me to rise from the ashes, like the Golden Phoenix You have named me. May I be a tree of Your planting. May I be a display of Your Splendour.