I will not forget you

But Zion said, "The Lord has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me."

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.

Your children hasten back,
and those who laid you waste depart from you.

Lift up your eyes and look around;
all your children gather and come to you.
As surely as I live," declares the Lord,
"you will wear them all as ornaments;
you will put them on, like a bride.

"Though you were ruined and made desolate
and your land laid waste,
now you will be too small for your people,
and those who devoured you will be far away.

The children born during your bereavement
will yet say in your hearing,
'This place is too small for us;
give us more space to live in.'

Then you will say in your heart,
'Who bore me these?
I was bereaved and barren;
I was exiled and rejected.
Who brought these up?
I was left all alone,
but these—where have they come from?'"

This is what the Sovereign Lord says:
"See, I will beckon to the nations,
I will lift up my banner to the peoples;
they will bring your sons in their arms
and carry your daughters on their hips.

Kings will be your foster fathers,
and their queens your nursing mothers.
They will bow down before you with their faces to the ground;
they will lick the dust at your feet.
Then you will know that I am the Lord;
those who hope in me will not be disappointed." (Isaiah 49:14-23 NIV)

Lord, I put my trust in You. The heart is treacherous. And thou I've seen what You've been doing in my life, my treacherous heart still whispers that the Lord has forgotten me. But my heart cannot keep secrets from You, my God. Forgive me for thinking it. But You said to lift up my eyes and look around.

Ah, but Lord. The treacherous heart speaks again. It whispers that You've been with me in certain aspects of my life, but not in others. You speak of nations, Lord. But what of love, Lord? What of my home? In those others, I feel forgotten. In those others, I feel like You think they're merely frivolities that I shouldn't even be bothering with. But that is a lie, Lord. I shouldn't be thinking that. Those are the words of the megalomaniac in my heart. But, ah, Lord, how do You keep these thoughts away? Because these thoughts come with feelings. And I feel like a child with a tantrum. Father, speak to me about these things. I trust You with my work. Now help me trust You with my heart. My very human and female heart. You tell me that You haven't forgotten me, then proceed to talk to me about my work. Won't You speak to me about hearts and relationships and men? I know You have Your plans. But affirm me, Lord. Tell me You haven't forgotten me in this aspect, either.

Ah, is this healing process still not done? Now, the emotions are louder. Please, Father. Ease my suffering. I just need some words from You. Give me a clear promise in this aspect of my life. Give me instruction. Clear, specific instructions on what to do. And show me that I can hope. Don't fix my heart, only to break it again. Ah, Lord! Fill me with Your words, Your promises and Your instructions quickly, lest other dark things fill my empty heart. Come to my rescue, Father. I need You. I placed my trust in You. I faced the hurts my heart had been harboring. But Lord, emotions come with other emotions. And they're attempting to overwhelm me again. Help, Father. Forgive me for being a spoiled brat, for throwing a tantrum. Just pick me up and tell me I'll be alright. I just need Your words, Lord.