"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To God’s holy people in Colossae, the faithful brothers and sisters in Christ: Grace and peace to you from God our Father. We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people— the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace." (Colossians 1:1-6 NIV)
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4 NIV)
Dear Lord,
I want to be righteous in Your sight. My fear and anxiety is sin against You, for that shows my lack of faith and trust in You. I offer You my heart and my life once more, Lord. And I pray that You spark joy in me so that I may rejoice in every and any circumstance, and see the trials as the gifts that they are.
Lord, I pray for the salvation of Andro and Martin and all the men who come to me. Andro is a good man with a strong sense of justice. His family needs You, Lord. May his sister's trials bring her to You, Lord. And I don't know what could possibly prompt Andro to seek You, but You are a God of miracles and great things. Please save the man. Whether You will him for me or not, please save this man who I look up to. Save also Martin. I know Tita Vilmy would like him to change religion. But I think religion doesn't matter. What matters is he know You, he seeks You, and he will grow in You. He is a good man, Lord. Save him and call him to You. Let his relationship with You be strong.
I pray for the man You choose for me. Lord, I pray, I submit to Your will. I desire someone for the traits he possess. But Lord, if he isn't the one for me, then Your will be done. Give me the one You choose. I need someone I am attracted to intellectually and romantically. I need someone financially capable. I need someone I can admire. But most of all, Lord, I need someone with Your blessing. Because I wish for a good family, Lord. A happy, loving and caring family intoxicated with love and solid in our foundation and belief in You. I lift to You my choice of a life partner. You know who is best. Protect me and bless me in this aspect of life, Lord. I lift my heart to You. Let me know, Lord, let me know clearly who You want for me. And whoever You choose, I will love and build up and encourage.
I haven't been a very good testimony. I mean, even in front of my GDAP peers! I'm not the prosperous, kind, gentle and principled Christian I'd like to be. Lord, I want to be a good testimony. I need to change my mindset and stop complaining and making excuses. Give me strength. Give me a buddy to help me change.
I also pray, Lord, for guidance. Is it time to close my company? Are the trials an itch on the nose to force me to stretch? Or have I been swallowed? Have I been enslaved by payroll? I am, Lord. That much I know, I am a slave to payroll and just keeping my company afloat. I pray for enlightenment. I want to change the world, Lord, and make it a better place. I don't want to just keep making apps for brands. I want to have a point in what I do. And that's the problem with Komikasi right now. Lord, guide me. Tell me what to do. Is it right that I'm breaking them off? Is it alright if I let us join Ideaspace?
Lord, break me free. I do not want to be a slave to money. Set me free, Lord. But give me wisdom. May I not dissolve Komikasi prematurely. Talk to me, Lord. I know You sent me Tita Vilmy for a reason. To remind me of You. To remind me to pray for the salvation of people, especially those dear to me. And to pray for Your will in my choice of a husband. And also to remind me that it's not my choice, it's Yours because my heart is no longer mine but Yours. Give it to who You choose, Lord. I have lifted my heart to You. Same goes for my company. I have offered it to You three years ago. And three years ago, You told me to stay. What about now, Lord? Should I try to make Komikasi work? I know it in my heart, Lord, that I need to change Komikasi somehow. Because it is not in Your will that I be a slave to money. And I don't want to be. If I reach inside me to see what I need to do, I actually don't know what to do. If I let go of even half of my people, my overhead will decrease by about 25%. Half of my overhead goes to payroll. A quarter goes to rent and other bills. And the last quarter goes to loans.
Okay, letting go of my people is not going to significantly decrease my need. Shutting down the office will take away 75%. The other quarter needs to be paid off whether Komikasi exists or not. But I'm tied with rent until June, Internet for the next two years but I think we can pre-terminate, and we're maintaining a system until I think August. I think I feel helpless because I've deviated too much. We need to go back to making games, even outsource. Then in that case, we need to reach out to the companies abroad.
Be with me, my God. Give me wisdom and strength and love. This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.
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