Shaken

"Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures forever; their horn will be lifted high in honor." (Psalm 112:6-9 NIV)

Lord,

I am so not ready. My heart is not ready for marriage. My heart is not ready for leadership. I am afraid and anxious about my finances again. I am shaken, Lord. And I know that is sin against You. Where is my faith? You have saved me before but here I am, unsure if You will save me this time. I was selfish last night, throwing a tantrum because I didn't know if You cared. Or if You did, I didn't even know what to do. All I needed was a word form You but You have remained silent. And I know I said Your will be done, but here I am, not even able to handle it. Forgive me. I want to declare that Your will be done and be joyful and accepting of what Your will is. But Your will is hard, Lord. Send me someone who could help me. Make my heart steadfast, Lord. Let me not be shaken. For the sake of Your glory, Lord, teach me to be a good testimony. I don't know how to fight this darkness on my own. I am weak. See? I wasn't even able to go on the week-long fast. Forgive me, Lord. I need to stop whining. Change my mindset. Let me see that this is just money. If the company closes, it closes. My people will be fine. But Lord, I do pray. I pray fervently for help. Save me, my God. Do not tarry. Quiet my heart.

Today, I will resolve to not complain. I will resolve to be joyful. I will do my best to find ways to make money for Komikasi, but I will trust You, my God, that You will save me. Be my Strength.

This I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen.